Let me clarify, I don’t hate the idea of babyproofing. Who could possibly hate the idea of keeping one’s child from sticking their finger in an electric socket?

No, it’s all of the things that take hold in your paranoid parental mind as you are browsing through the websites.  There are things on there that never even crossed your mind until you saw them staring out at you from the screen.  Then some sort of strange hypnosis happens and your brain starts thinking it’s a good idea to get that “VCR shield.”  And you don’t even HAVE a VCR.

There is nothing more frightening for a parent than thinking their child will somehow harm themselves, and the babyproofing industry takes advantage of that, and then some.  There are a million and one ways to part you with your money, all in the name of safety.  Because no one in their right mind is against safety.

How did the people of the past ever function without toilet seat locks?  Or baby gates?  Or, of course, VCR shields?

Somehow, our species has survived for centuries without them.  People used to regularly have open flame in their homes, for goodness sakes.   Or a horrifically hot stove that was “on” at all times to keep the house warm in the winter.   And yet, here we are.

I’m guessing that there is no substitute for just plain watching your kid like a hawk, as hellacious hard work as that can be. 

So I’m sorry babyproofing industry, you’ve only got me for some outlet covers and a couple of baby gates.