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Archive for August 3rd, 2010

In Which Gisele Bundchen Needs to Shut Her Pie Hole

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010
By Glinda

Before Glinda decides to give Ms. Thang a smack upside the head with her wand.

I’ve tried to keep quiet, I really have.

I didn’t say anything when she gloated about how easy her drugless water birth was. I also refrained from commmenting when she claimed to have “potty trained” her six month old son.

But the newest tidbit to fall from her pouty lips?

I cannot be silent.

Ms. Judgy McJudgerson has been quoted as saying that breastfeeding an infant for the first six months should be “the law”.

Oh really?

So what are you going to do with people like me, who had the experience of trying, but could not produce enough milk, no matter how many hours I hooked myself up to the damn pump? Or what about those people who are taking lifesaving medication, which may preclude them from breastfeeding due to the medication being secreted in their milk and harming the baby? How about adoptive mothers? Or mothers who, like my aunt, had successfully breastfed one child, only to have the other steadfastly refuse?  Or women whose workplace does not provide them a proper place in which to pump during work hours, thus making it ever so much easier to go to formula?  Or the million and one other valid reasons women decide that breastfeeding is not the right choice for them.

What are you going to do then, Ms. Charter Member of the Breastfeeding Police?

Throw them in jail? Oh, yes, that makes so much sense.

Or how about giving them a large fine, thus possibly taking away money for necessities, because all of us cannot be super wealthy supermodels married to super wealthy football players.

That was so well thought out, wasn’t it Gisele?

You, ma’am, are no Christy Turlington.

Why don’t you do everyone a big favor and go back to giving your sexyface looks into the camera while getting paid bajillions of dollars and spare us your poorly conceived inanities?

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