Sports Lessons

will ferrell

 

To wit:

1. There will always be the overbearing parental unit who stands on the sidelines and bellows, “KICK THE BALL, JACKSON, KICK THE BALL!” pauseTHE OTHER WAY, JACKSON, THE OTHER WAY!” pause “DAMMIT JACKSON!”

2. Your child’s interest in the sport will be inversely proportional to that of the coach’s skill level, i.e. your semi-pro Little Leaguer is stuck with a coach that barely knows the names of all the positions, and your lackadaisical basketball player will be hounded by the coach whose last team won the state championship.

3. Someone will always be unwilling to get to know the rest of the parents on the team.

4. One contingent of moms on the team will push for “healthy snacks” because they don’t want their kids “eating that crap” and the other contingent thinks the healthy snacks moms need to lighten up a bit.  Semi-veiled insults from both sides  may or may not ensue.

5. There will always be one mom who takes the after-game-snack to an entirely different level, including, but not limited to: personalized team logo M&M’s, custom snack bags with names done in calligraphy, full sized Gatorade bottles, and a veritable supermarket aisle’s worth of snacks in the bag.

6. Her polar opposite will also make an appearance, bringing only lukewarm water bottles and a single granola bar.

7. There will be at least one kid whose parents never stay for the games or practices .

8. Never sleep with your child’s coach when you’re married to someone else. It makes those pancake breakfasts so very awkward.

9. Your child will be on the team with the worst color uniforms.

10. You will tell yourself that your child’s performance on the field/court doesn’t matter to you.  But it does.

3 Responses to “Sports Lessons”

  1. The gold digger April 22, 2010 at 9:36 am #

    There will be at least one kid whose parents never stay for the games or practices .

    I don’t understand why a parent would need to stay for practice. I don’t even think it’s essential for a parent to attend all games. I played soccer and was on the swim team and I really could not tell you how many meets and games my parents attended and I didn’t care. I was there to hang out with my friends.

  2. Glinda April 22, 2010 at 10:06 am #

    @tgd- Not necessarily a judgement. But, my parents went to EVERY single one of my games, and I played three different sports for years. Sometimes it speaks to a level of commitment to the child, and sometimes it’s a time management issue.

  3. La Petite Acadienne April 22, 2010 at 1:20 pm #

    I don’t really see the need of staying for practice, either. But if my son ever becomes involved in sports, I do want to try my best to at least attend some of his games. It might not ever matter to him, but it’ll matter to me — and it’ll be really neat to see him in his own domain, doing his thing.