Things I Hate: Minivans » Teeny Manolo

Things I Hate: Minivans

By Glinda

2004 Sienna LE


Let’s get this straight, I am not hating on drivers of minivans, but minivans themselves.  So let’s not have me wake up to find outrage in the comment section, mmmkay?

Honestly, I know of no vehicle that is as uncool to be seen in as a minivan.  Minivans scream practicality, and thus, are not cool.  Because in our society, practicality is for suckers.  It’s all about the looks, man. 

Who cares if your family and all its assorted gear doesn’t fit?  Who cares if it’s a pain to not have an automatic sliding door, or that your kid can barely get themselves up to the running boards?

You look cool, and that is all that counts in America.  Everyone knows that the only people who willingly drive minivans and don’t die a little death every time they start the engines are moms.

And moms=totally lame.

We’re only the ones who gave birth to you, fed you and changed your diapers, clothed you, loved and held you, and raised you to be the best you can be.

Yeah, totally lame.

That, however, is not stopping me from buying a minivan of my very own in the next few weeks.  Because I am tired of driving with my knees shoved up against the dashboard of my beloved but now too-small to fit four and you know, maybe a friend now and then, Honda.  Unless I plan on neither of my children ever inviting a friend with us anywhere.  Or on not taking my rightful place in the neighborhood carpool.

So watch out lame, here I come!

11 Responses to “Things I Hate: Minivans”

  1. Obi-Wandreas Says:

    I seriously considered a minivan when I was car shopping a few months ago. The first problem was that there was only one minivan on the market which is available with all wheel drive – the Toyota Sienna. Every review I read rated it as mediocre and clunky. I also have the issue of a narrow driveway with a sharp curve. Nothing wider than 72″ was going to do. In the end, a 2010 Equinox won the day.

    If there were more models with AWD, I might have been able to expand my search; I was not, however, going to drive my daughter through another Buffalo winter without it.

    And, to quote someone I read on a forum a while back, don’t even get me started on Honda naming their minivan after a trip that took 10 years and had only 1 survivor – they’d have been better off naming it “Titanic” or “Lusitania.” Those trips were shorter and safer.

  2. qc Says:

    I really like my minivan (but I’d rather have a mini cooper). Of course, I put silver flame car magnets on both side doors. I may be a minivan driver, but I’m a cool minivan driver. Or weird. Whichever.

  3. qc Says:

    Oh, and Obi-Wandreas – I have a Sienna and it isn’t too bad. I like it better than the Honda. It has a killer engine and I can beat teenagers off the line at every stop light. But after this I’m ditching the van for a Subaru Outback or Forester.

  4. Pencils Says:

    Minivans aren’t so bad–I don’t drive one, I have a Suzuki SX4, but they are very useful when you need to transport people and stuff and you don’t want to drive an SUV. Luckily, I only have one child, so we’re able to stick with the two small cars for the immediate present. Although we barely fit into our tiny sedan when it’s all four of us: the toddler, my near-adult stepson, my husband and I. At some point in the future we’ll probably get an Outback, I know many people who love them after owning one for a very long time.

  5. marvel Says:

    “Popular culture is so anti-minivan today that driving one is so counter-culture, so in the face of popular biases, so keeping-it-real, that it’s almost punk rock. In a utilitarian way, anyway.”


  6. Awesome Mom Says:

    If driving a minivan makes me lame then I am thrilled to be lame. I heart my mini van and you can have it when you pry it out of my cold dead fingers.

  7. Glinda Says:

    I’m a rebel, marvel, a rebel.

  8. La Petite Acadienne Says:

    The Stonecutter and I are contemplating the Mazda 5. It’s a minivan, but a compact one, and just doesn’t have that minivan “look” to it.

    But maybe I’m just fooling myself.

  9. Susan Says:

    I love my Sienna. No AWD on ours, but we put snow tires on it in the winter and it’s great in Maine ski country. It’s comfortable for our tall and long-legged family AND I can put the kids in the third row when they start annoying me. If that’s not cool, then the heck with cool!

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