“Complete” is in the Eye of the Beholder
By Glinda
“Oh, you’re all set now that you’ve had a girl.”
“Well, you don’t need to worry any more now that you have another child, and a girl at that!”
“Don’t you feel like your family is complete now?”
All of these sentences have been directed at me, by relatives and good friends alike, and all with the best of intentions, I’m sure.
At the time, I simply nodded my head in agreement, but upon further reflection, I’m sort of angry.
Oh yes, my former meaningless life is now filled with purpose now that I’ve had a girl and I can die happy. And yes, our family wasn’t right without another person in it.
Not.
Were they meaning to imply that by having one child, my family was somehow not good enough? That it didn’t fit into whatever perfect 2.5 child per family model they were thinking of? As if there even was such a thing?
Even though I love my daughter with all of my heart, and she is certainly a welcome addition to our family, I’d like to focus on the word addition. Our family was just fine as the three of us, thank you very much. The Munchkinette will bring much additional love and laughter, but her presence didn’t suddenly make us a “real” family.
And the comment about how I should be completely satisfied now that I’ve had a girl also rubs me the wrong way. If my second child had been a boy, would people have clucked in sympathy for me that I didn’t have a girl? I do happen to know people who have tried multiple times to have a girl, with varying degrees of success. But for the ones that have three boys, is their family less of a family because there is only one X chromosome in the house?
So maybe I’m being hormonal, or a little oversensitive. But I sometimes wish people would just, you know, think before they speak.
December 8th, 2009 at 11:59 am
you may now have a complete set, but with three boys, i have a matched set. ha ha!
yeah, i totally get where you are coming from.
December 8th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Yeah it is rather annoying. I get asked if I want a girl all the time. I think after three boys my brain is so fried that if we do decide to add to the family I would actually prefer another boy since we already have all the stuff already.
December 8th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
when you are pregnant and once you have kids people say the stupidest things to you. i get asked if i am going to try and have a girl after people find out i have twin boys. do the boys not count??
however my all time *favorite* rude and stupid thing a great number of people have said to me is “better you than me” when they see i have twins. WTF?!
December 8th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Oh my goodness. After I had my second son people kept asking me when we were going to try for a girl (and most of them knew I had almost died after giving birth to him). I just told them, “Nah, I got fixed… like the cat.” That tended to shut them up.
December 9th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
One of my close friends biggest peeve was after she had her second child, people assumed that she and her husband were done having kids because now they had one of each. She just had her second son.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Maybe you could tell them you’re actually going for one of every haircolour: ash blonde, golden blonde, platinum blonde, chestnut, auburn…
December 11th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I get what you’re saying because people say things like that to me, too, because we have “one of each.” But to be fair, there are plenty of people who do keep trying in hopes of having at least one of each. And in many ways parenting a boy is a very different experience from parenting a girl, and not because one sex is better than the other.
December 12th, 2009 at 2:58 am
Yeah, I think the trouble comes now, and also if you should decide to have another (aren’t you done???), or if you were finished with one, or if you were finished before you started and chose to remain childless. In other words, no matter what, you’re screwed.
December 17th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I have two girls and keep getting asked if I’m sad that the second girl wasn’t a boy. WTF? NO. I’m glad she’s alive and healthy, thanks.