Bruce Lee was unable to kung fu his way to victory last week, and our man Harrison Ford won the day quite handily with seventy percent of the vote.

Sorry, Bruce! It was fun while it lasted!

VERSUS

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a politician possessed of the usual heapin’-helpin’ of self-esteem and windbaggery must be in search of an audience. Unfortunately, some of them have discovered our little secret, teh blawgs, as an outlet therefor.

This. Does. Not. End. Well.

Allow me to introduce Edmonchuckistanian Member of the Legislative Assembly Doug Elniski here:

Elniski posted the text of a speech on June 13 that he said he gives to junior high school students at Grade 9 graduation ceremonies.

Part of the posting included advice to girls saying, “Ladies, always smile when you walk into a room, there is nothing a man wants less than a woman scowling because he thinks he is going to get s–t for something and has no idea what.”

It continues, “Men are attracted to smiles, so smile, don’t give me that ‘treated equal’ stuff. If you want Equal, it comes in little packages at Starbucks.”

Now he says he was lying; he never give that speech at all, it was a complete fabrication, everything in the blog was made up, and he stole the jokes. Thanks, we feel so much better about you now.