Five Fingers of Fug » Teeny Manolo

Five Fingers of Fug

By raincoaster

Vibram Five Fingers of Fug

Behold the “Vibram Five Fingers,” a shoe that is to ninja feet what the abominable Croc is to honest, old-fashioned Dutch boy footwear, what the Hummer is to men who have impressive or even just adequate reproductive tackle: in other words, what we have here is yet another example of a voracious consumer class taking a good thing (like bare feet) and spoiling it for the rest of us. Which is, face it, what the middle class seems to spend most of its time doing.

Digression: have you noticed that, no matter who they are, people in the Europe and North America invariably both claim to be middle class (“Oh, we’re just plain Windsors now”) and hate the middle class? It’s true. Self-hatred or branding exercise? But I digress…

We were discussing the world’s ugliest footwear; at this point, the fug is Adult-Only, and we can only pray these things go the way of the (also fugly, but the poor things couldn’t help it) dodo before they come out with a children’s line.

They have a “Classic Edition” as if giving this thing a respectable name could somehow make up for the eye-searing loathesomeness. And they have an even more hideous version which I shall not show you, for those who think their feet just don’t look enough like those of an alien who is wading in a Norwegian Fjord while getting a pedicure from a drunk Cher impersonator.

Not that I’m opinionated about these things.

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21 Responses to “Five Fingers of Fug”

  1. judy Says:

    They are surprisingly comfy though. I tried some on in Edinburgh last year, but i didn’t want to part with the money to own them.

  2. justin Says:

    they are just about as ugly as feet — go figure.

  3. raincoaster Says:

    Your feet must be hideous, Justin, even for a zombie.

  4. Chris Says:

    I have four pairs of these, and the variety of reactions I get while wearing them is entertaining. Some people immediately want to know where they can get some, and some people absolutely recoil in disgust. The range of reactions you’d get if you were walking around naked is probably smaller than with these. I love them. And I REALLY love the fact that there are people out there – like the writer of this blog – that are seriously threatened by these things! And this is coming from a guy who HATES Crocs with a passion!

  5. VFF fan Says:

    I agree ith Chris – These are great shoes, and look better than Crocs (which I also hate with a passion, as much as I hate Birkenstock and Uggs) and these are much healthier for your feet. If you have sensitive feet – as I do – or you want to run/hike/walk but you prefer being barefoot, these are great! And they are amazingly comfortable!

  6. GastonR Says:

    I’m really sorry you feel that way about Five Fingers but you’re entitled to your opinion and you can say whatever you want to say.

    Fact is though, these shoes are great! It’s not about style but rather it’s about performance here. I own a pair of KSOs and I’ve already ordered another pair (about 3 months later). They are fairly expensive and can be very shocking to look at, but I guarantee your feet will love you for getting them!

    Try it, you just might like it.

  7. raincoaster Says:

    So, what you’re saying is, they’re ugly. Which is pretty much what I said.

  8. Jarrod Johnson Says:


  9. Phyllis Says:

    What Justin said!

  10. raincoaster Says:

    Your feet look like THAT?

  11. okeydokey Says:

    I’m sorry you’re so hung up on appearance, but if you’re a runner who wants to strengthen his or her feet through barefoot running and wants to avoid the discomfort of having a shard of glass forcibly jammed into the soft part of your footsies then these things are great. Let’s put it this way… yeah, they’re ugly. So, ask yourself, why would someone wear something this ugly unless they had real benefits and served a practical application? Perhaps you should acknowledge the practical use of these things and spend a little time reading up on what they are actually for, rather than going off an a half-assed ramble.

  12. raincoaster Says:

    This may shock you, but it’s a fashion blog, so yeah, it’s kinda hung up on appearance. The point of the post was, they’re ugly. You agree they’re ugly. Then you go off on a half-assed ramble about utility, which is (as I’ve already pointed out) entirely irrelevant to the post. And you do so a year after the fact.

    Why? Shouldn’t you be out smugly correcting people in realtime?

  13. Jennie Says:

    Go Raincoaster!!!!

  14. timethief Says:

    UGLY! Really freaking ugly. No way I will ever buy a pair.

  15. hahahahaha Says:

    Okay so I have seen these things and wondered where they came from but gloves for your feet as socks were 1 thing and now glove shoes for your feet? They are just a trend that people will wear and then later when the company goes bankrupt someone will either bail them out like crocs… Or they go and die like tear aways… Enjoy them while they last embrace it for fun it gives us someone to laugh at while the guy with 4 pairs walks down the street!!!

  16. Victoria Says:

    These are the fugliest pieces of nonsense I have ever seen, and I run a fashion website. Christ almighty.

  17. hahahahaha+haha Says:

    I know this is a fashion blog, but form follows function. They are not being marketed as a fashionable pair of shoes to wear around the mall or a night out on the town. I have worn them hiking, running, climbing, working on boats, etc. They are all outdoors activities that have a different aim in its clothing and therefor a whole different sense of what looks good. I agree that out of their context that they meet the criteria for fugly, but to those who spend a lot of effort to get the most out of the beautiful design of our feet… they are much more like a form fitting dress that reveals every curve of a perfectly sculpted woman.

  18. raincoaster Says:

    Except these are hideous.

  19. Glinda Says:

    The comment thread THAT REFUSES TO DIE!


  20. tij Says:

    @ hahahahaha; you are the epitome of a peon.

    the fivefingers are anything but a trend. ugly as they may be to some people, the fivefingers offer a unique and incredibly healthy alternative to conventional footwear (unlike crocs, which are a) ugly and b) serve no real purpose other than to look). i have no doubt that people who try the fivefingers and wear them will ultimately end up using them for the rest of their lives, even if in just some small capacity. i hope that, one day in the future, you’re surrounded by people wearing fivefingers and you laugh yourself into a coma from which you never recover.

    so, before you decided to post another idiotic, rambling and generally incoherent comment, please do a little research and save us all the time of having to decipher your babble.

    p.s raincoaster… “And they have an even more hideous version which I shall not show you, for those who think their feet just donā€™t look enough like those of an alien who is wading in a Norwegian Fjord while getting a pedicure from a drunk Cher impersonator”…nice attempt at quirky humour. just pathetic

  21. raincoaster Says:

    Apparently, if you type with your toes, you can’t reach the Shift key. Ya learn something every day on this blog!

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