Today’s shoes are brought to you by Wham-O!  Yes, the same company that brought you hula hoops and frisbees now brings you the newest in shoe technology based on the Super Ball.

Yes, you read that right.

It seems that Stride Rite, not being content to let Nike and New Balance get the lion’s share of air-cushioning/levitating fame, is now featuring kid’s shoes with Super Balls in the heels.  Well, of course not really the actual balls, but the synthetic material dubbed Zectron by the inventor that was used in their making.

Original Super Balls from 1965-66 were able to be dropped from a building and would bounce almost all the way back up.   If thrown down, it would exceed the height of the building on the way back up.  I find that both awesome and scary.  Sadly, there are hardly any Super Balls left in the world, although there are many imitators.

But now, your kids can have that very same material on their feet! Imagine the damage they could do on the basketball court!

Do you think it’s just a bunch of hype, or might there be something to this Zectron stuff after all?

Stride Rite – SuperBall Zoom

Stride Rite – Superball Quick Close (Toddler/Youth)

We’re getting awfully shirty around here lately, and can you blame us, with some of the monstrosities out there? In the spirit of Glinda’s recent posts on dreadful pregnancy tees and haircuts that would work better on tattooed hipsters than innocent children, we bring you these children’s shirts of appalling, nauseating, toe-curling, diabetes-inducing sweetness.

Seriously, they make Cornify look like Nine Inch Nails.

Let us examine only the unicorn offerings; just as with those infamous haircuts, these would be far better on a grown post-punk bassist than on some poor child, whose innate cuteness could never be a match for these masterworks, ripped (apparently) from the sides of the vans of the gayest men who ever discoed their way through the Seventies. And printed on texture-printed cotton tees.

Feast your eyes on the magnificence of the Mountain Rainbow Unicorn Tee!

The Secret Unicorn Tee (not so secret when you wear that around the schoolyard, eh? This really shouldn’t be worn by anyone less butch than Steve Irwin)

You can almost hear the Jethro Tull when you pull the inspiring Sunlit Unicorn Tee over some poor little kid’s head. He’ll be the envy of your old D&D buddies for sure!

Welcome to the Kingdom of the Unicorns! Say hi to Aslan for me!

I have a sneaking suspicion the Mystical Unicorn is really just some ordinary horse with a fountain behind him. Those photographers are a tricksy bunch!

and, for the teen who hasn’t yet gotten parental permission to get the unicorn of her choice inked into her left shoulder, right hip, or inside ankle, there’s the Majestic Unicorn tank, which I would really much rather see on Madonna with her veins popping out, or perhaps Joan Collins, with leather pants and killer heels. Because why not? She’s Joan Collins; like anyone’s going to say boo to her!

The way they look is the bad news; the good news is, they’re on sale at less than half price, anywhere from $8-$16, and come up to size 16, which most hipsters can fit into, since they only consume calories in the form of espresso and microbrewed beer anyway. So if you have to suddenly outfit your local ageing Hollywood legend, or They Might Be Giants suddenly turns up half-naked in your yard, you’ve got it covered.