Nowadays, there’s a theme park for every interest group, even Twilight fetishists having a day out with Mona the Vampire.

I want to begin this piece by saying unequivocally I am not out of make fun of the children featured in this post. Which is why I pixelated their faces and will not inform you of the magazine which did such unfortunate things to these kids.

No, I am making fun of the parents and the stylists who are so desperate to make you go out and get your kid’s hair cut in these “cool new styles” that they made the kids look fairly ridiculous. Which is a damn shame, because they were all indeed very adorable.

And I am well aware that it is, after all, just hair. It will grow back into the semblance of a decent haircut at some point. But why, why would you do this to your kids because some magazine told you it was fashionable to pay to have your kid look like they took the scissors to their hair themselves?

This child is touted as an example of “asymmetrical bangs.” Bangs that look like a stylist with a serious alcohol impairment had their way with them. Seriously, if I paid good money and had someone cut the Munchkin’s bangs like that, I would demand my money back.

This cut is called an “cutting-edge mullet” for kids with fine hair. There is no such thing as a good mullet.

Now this one I thought long and hard about. I don’t know if you can tell as much with the pixelation, but this lovely child has a very prominent forehead. There is nothing wrong with that, but I’m just not sure I would choose to highlight it so, well, prominently.

Love the necklace, love the shirt, love the glasses. Hate, hate, hate, the “microbangs.” The magazine said that microbangs weren’t good if your kid did it themselves, but perfectly fine when a trained professional purposely did them. Pray tell, how is anyone to know the difference?