I’m sure that it is well known among teachers that the younger their students are, the more it can be counted on that said students will blurt out all kinds of entertaining things that the parents would probably be horrified that the teacher knew. Not necessarily saying what comes out of the child’s mouth is the complete truth, but often enough, there’s a kernel of it in there somewhere. Enough to at least highly amuse the teacher.

Now, I have no idea what the Munchkin’s teacher knows about me that both she and I would rather she didn’t. But up until this point, I haven’t really thought about much. I am fairly strict with him regarding school work, and figured that as the end of the school year approaches, I was home free.

Except.

The Munchkin is given a homework packet on Monday, to be completed during the week, and brought back on Friday. The instructions tell you which worksheets to do on which day. For the last couple of weeks, though, I have allowed the Munchkin to do the worksheets on whatever day he chooses, as long as the packet is finished by Friday morning. Being the stereotypical young boy that he is, he has been choosing to wait until the last possible day to do the work. But I figured that as long as the work was being done, did it really matter that we weren’t following the instructions to the letter?

The week before last, he gave me some resistance on finishing the packet at the appropriate time, and I threatened that he would no longer have the privilege of choosing when to do his homework if I was going to get that type of attitude. Battle royale ensued, with Glinda finally prevailing.

For Mother’s Day, the teacher instructed the children write a card to Mom, with a sentence or two thanking her for something nice that she does for them. Want to know what mine said?

Dear Mom, thank you for letting me skip doing my homework until the last day.

Thanks for ratting me out, kid. Thanks a lot.

I was going to call this post This Will End Badly, but I’m not sure it will. Although it certainly won’t end up the way this particular single mom/aspiring model/ghey-hater/equivocator expects.

“I’m really, really open with my son. Like, I don’t want my son to become, like, I mean, no offense, like gay, when he’s older. So I’m always like naked in front of him now.

Of course, once she got booted from her big break tv show she “realized” she’d never said the comment.Which had aired on television.

I was like, what the hell?! I don’t even remember saying that. But obviously, I mean, I was going to walk in the Gay Rights Parade with Shaun in Florida. So obviously, I’m completely for it. I love Shaun and I have nothing against homosexuality. And if my son was gay, I’d be completely fine. Saying things like that is completely not in my character.”

But, presumably, saying things that are completely not in character is completely in character for her. The woman’s in the wrong profession; she should be an actress! Leaving open, then, the question of just why she is naked around her son as a matter of policy, and what it’s going to have in terms of outcome.

(which reminds me to apologize for the eye-bleeding image above; at least it’s been thankfully censored; trust me, you don’t want to see Perez Hilton’s moose knuckle)

It’s going to be hard enough for her to convince her son not to send nude photos of himself all over the Intertubes when he gets older, particularly if she tries to do so while nude. The mothers I know usually start out being relatively free with the “skyclad” look around the house, but tend to give it up as a result of the storm of heckling when the eldest child enters the parent-critical phase (for some, this is four; for others, fourteen) or when they have to give the first serious, paragraph-length lecture on modesty. Nobody likes to get put on the spot while stitchless.

We nannies, of course, take no such liberties, even when the charges are staying chez Poppins for the week. I believe that’s caused not only by the fact that we are, as a class, of modest and delicate sensibilities and possessed of a raging snotload of probity, but also by the fact that we prefer to stay out of jail.

moar funny pictures