Rebel Without a Clue
By Glinda
One of the things that makes me groan inwardly is when the Munchkin’s teacher stands with him after class, hands on his shoulders. That is her signal of “we need to talk.” And this year, I’m thinking I’ve had more than my fair share of talks.
The last one was about the Munchkin and the chain of events that occurred when he failed to properly write some words on his worksheet. Upon being instructed to redo the words correctly, he followed a time-honored tradition of children who are just a bit too smart lazy for their own good and had one of his obliging classmates do it for him. He claims that she offered to help him without being asked, but the true story is forever lost to the mists of time and the conveniently spotty memories of six year olds.
Now, the odd thing is that although that incident was bad enough, the exchange between himself and the teacher was the cause for concern. You see, all she wanted him to do was apologize and say he was sorry for having someone do his work for him.
The teacher, apparently, still does not know the Munchkin very well. To admit he did something wrong is anathema to him, and he will do anything to avoid responsibility. Hmmm, I wonder where he learned that?
Anyhoo, the conversation devolved to the point where the Munchkin was asked how he would feel if one of his toys were taken away?
Never one to be publicly intimidated, the Munchkin replied that it would be just fine, thank you. He wouldn’t care one bit.
The ante was upped. How about one of his favorite toys, such as the Wii?
His reply?
“Go for it!” accompanied by, I kid you not, a fist pump in the air.
I think I’d better reserve a seat in the principal’s office right now and just save everybody the trouble.
January 27th, 2009 at 10:05 am
You go, Munchkin! When I was a kid, I hated it when adults pulled rank on me just because they wanted to show who’s boss. I’m thinking homeschooling might be in your future 🙂
January 27th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Delegating his responsibilities to an obliging female and escalating negotiations to the point of no return? He’s obviously a future CEO.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
I think he showed a remarkable grasp of available resources in knowing where to go to get the correct answer and in delegating the job to the best qualified individual in the room. Very effective management skills and a knack for creative problem solving, not to mention his awsome skills as a negotiator. I’d hire him in a heartbeat. Ever notice that the very traits that get people classified as “problem” children are the same traits that virtually guarantee them success as adults? Hang in there Glinda 🙂
January 27th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
I lost the teacher at “how would you feel if one of your toys was taken away?” What has that got to do with not doing your own work? Why was her response to try to force an apology? Why not hold him inside during recess to have him do the work himself?
That’s what I had to do in the first grade… 😉
Seriously, though, I’m not convinced the Munchkin’s teacher understands her age group…
January 27th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
@marvel- She did tell me how the conversation wound up going in that direction, and it was related, if I remember correctly. Something about taking responsibility for your actions, or something of the such, and accepting the consequences.
I think she does not understand the Munchkin, who is not quite like most kids in his age group.
@gemdiva- Then I shall expect him to buy me a house and keep me in the lap of luxury for the remainder of my life, with all he is already putting me through!
@raincoaster- I can only hope not! 😉
@dgm- Yes, I think he feels the same way. As I said to Marvel, the Munchkin is not a typical child, be that for good or for ill, and the teacher keeps trying to treat him like one.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Munchkin sounds like mine (all of them). Of course the appropriate thing to do in a situation like that is to explain that the work was his to do for a reason, thereby persuading him that it’s a good idea to do it himself. There is a reason we ask kids to write down words: it helps them remember how to spell them, it works on their fine motor skills, etc. Writing trains both the brain and the hand muscles, and practicing writing is really important because later he will be taking tests that he has to write out by hand, and if the teacher can’t read his writing, he’ll fail.
Can you tell I have practice at this? The best part of that spiel is it’s true. Munchkin probably senses that a lot of the work he has to do in K or 1st grade is bullshit, because he’s a smart cookie. I get that he understands the concepts, but unless his handwriting looks like caligraphy, he needs to practice writing. I’ve had this issue with all three of my children.
There’s no point in threatening to take something away with a kid like that. What’s the point? My biggest spiel to my kids goes like this: we’re wired to feel good when we do something good. (Sometimes these things earn money, sometimes not — money is not the point.) Your best chance at happiness in life is to find something good you like to do and do it well. It’s very hard to feel good about yourself if you don’t ever do anything. Right now, schoolwork is something he can do.
I find it much easier to be a positive motivator than a disciplinarian who is constantly taking stuff away.
Of course,it pays to figure out what his lever is. It may not be stuff, it may be a bedtime story or something like that. Every kid has a lever but it can be hard to figure out what it is, and of course they change all the time. Good luck!
January 29th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
@Joan H- I think you’re right on the money. I myself never did homework in school (or chores at home) exactly because it couldn’t get past my sensitive “busywork” filter… and now as an adult I find time management and (who’d a guessed it) chores difficult. Delayed gratification is not an easy thing to pitch to kids, but helping them to understand the long-term benefits of these things might increase compliance. Worth a shot anyway!
January 30th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
What I don’t like is that she was hypothetically suggesting a punishment that she would have no power to enforce.
January 31st, 2009 at 6:00 pm
If I were the teacher, and I was one for a while, I don’t think I would have pushed for an apology. Teachers should reinforce good manners when they can (please and thank you, etc.), but in this case the most important thing was for the Munchkin to realize he had to do his own work. Even if he bullied the little girl into doing it for him (which I very much doubt), she still gave in and that’s her own responsibility. Truth is, they were both at fault.
I probably would have told him “if you don’t do it yourself, it doesn’t count as your own work.” Then I would have had him stay in and do it over. Forget the morality lesson – that’s a job for parents.
Also, never give a bright kid an opportunity to flout your authority! 9 times out of 10 they will! And don’t ask stupid questions like “how would you feel if something bad happened to you?” That’s just asking for trouble.