For aging women like myself, who long to recapture our youthful good looks, Too Faced cosmetics has a plan. “Let’s take them back to their childhoods!” they cackled in their brainstorming session. “We’ll design a collection around a cartoon character they loved as kids! That’ll get ’em, hook, line, and sinker!”

Uhhh, no.

I hated the Smurfs, and especially Smurfette, with a passion. She always seemed to be a helpless victim of the patriarchy, and I could never understand why she was the only woman. And really, I didn’t want to.

So, this particular makeup collection’s charms are completely and utterly wasted upon me. But, maybe someone else will want to apply makeup with a blonde, bimbo-y airhead as their inspiration? Looking “So Smurfy” or “Smurfy-Eyed” has never been a goal of mine, and if it’s yours, then all the Smurfy power to you.

Too Faced So Smurfy IlluminationFace Powder

Too Faced Mood Swing Emotionally Activated Lip Gloss

Too Faced So Smurfy Eye Shadow Collection

Too Faced Smurfy-Eyed Liquid Eyeliner

For those of us who’ve always wanted our own political playthings, but are too lazy to bother, say, taking over the world, TyGirlz and the generous toy manufacturers of Japan have banded together to supply our needs.

The President Obama Action figure:

And the Sasha and Malia dolls, whose manufacturer swears any resemblance is entirely coincidental:

But come on, Mattel, where’s Michelle Barbie?