I’ve written about it before, and it looks like I’m going to be writing about it again. I thought perhaps back then it was a toddler-ish phase, but it seems to be here for the long haul.

It’s official. My son hates clothes.

Well, unless they are the baggiest, most unconstructed clothes ever made. He hates pants with a rise that he deems too low, an inseam that is too high, pants with big pockets on the back, shorts that have any type of tailoring, long shirtsleeves that aren’t loose enough to fit a whole other arm into them, wearing a sweatshirt or hoodie over long sleeves, and any other number of things that I don’t know are wrong until he puts them on and has a fit.

I thought that by having a boy, I would be able to throw pretty much anything on him and it would be a go. That was somewhere in the “having a boy” contract, if I remember correctly. I evilly chortled to myself that it was the parents of girls who would have all the fights about clothes. I, however, was on easy street.

Instead, I have this child of mine who literally screeches in protest that he WILL NOT WEAR THIS (insert name of offending item)! I CAN’T MAKE HIM keep something on that is BUGGING HIM!

The kid has a point, to be sure. Now that he is plenty old enough to dress himself, I don’t fancy myself wrestling a six year old over a pair of shorts. I really do try and pick my battles, and forcing him to wear clothes that chafe or whatever seems like a stupid one.

So I figure I am out probably at least a couple hundred dollar’s worth of clothes for this season that are awarded the title of UNCOMFORTABLE!

I see a future filled with baggy, loose clothing that only a pro basketball player could love.

Sigh.

Not a conspiracy theory, honest! And nothing to do with Elvis as far as I can see, although there’s probably a cousin of that name out on a limb of the family tree, I’m guessing.

In a shocking example of karma missing its mark, Adolf Hitler Campbell, the adorable three-year-old who became internationally (in)famous when a grocery store refused to put his name on the birthday cake his parents ordered, has been seized by child welfare authorities, along with his sisters JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.

Now, it’s undoubtably both true and A! GOOD! THING! that, as the father says:

“This is America. They say it’s free. You have a right to name your child what you want to name your child. “

It is, however, true that people will look upon the choices you’ve made and judge you for them. Unfortunately, because he didn’t change his OWN name but bestowed this super-special favorite name on his child, the child will be the one to suffer for it. The very Scottishly-named Heath Campbell claims he picked the name and bestowed it on his ginger son to honor his German heritage.

Note that police say there have been no reports of abuse, and nobody is actually saying why the children were taken into custody. Although perhaps as an act of humanitarian nomenclature intervention?

“Part of it is the infantile nature of the parents’ behavior,” Berrill said. “You can name your dog something weird, but they think they’re making some kind of bold statement with the children, not appreciating that the children will have separate lives and will be looked at in a negative light until they’re able to change their name. It is abuse.”