Oh, kids today! The crazy hijinks they get up to! Why, I’m sure in my day (draws shawl closer about shoulders, becomes animated, risks sloshing the sherry, regains control of self) we never dreamed of going to Disneyland to flash the staffers!

But then again, in my day they didn’t have Captain Jack Sparrow!

“They lost control when they saw Jack Sparrow,” said former pirate Brandon Pinto, who left the role after a dispute with management a year ago. “This is a sexy, rock-star pirate.”

The pirate actors said they were told they were no longer needed for the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride at about the same time that additional fairies were added to the park’s cast, presumably to promote Disney’s new movie “Tinkerbell.”

My god, could the radical conservatives have it right after all?

Philosophy is one of those brands that became an instant classic from the moment it was introduced. The clever naming and packaging got people’s attention, and then the quality of the product kept them coming back for more. “Hope in a Jar” is their signature item, and has become a favorite of countless women who love both wordplay and a good moisturizer.

They have many gift sets and other yummy things for your body. Here are some of my favorites:

philosophy – a man for all seasons This gift set is just too cute, what with the theme being “a good man showers you with love.” Have a man for every season, including the snow man, best man, pool man, and produce man.

philosophy – the tree house Not only does this have a great apple scent, a full 100% of the proceeds from the sale of this product go towards children’s programming from PBS and PBS Kids. We’re huge PBS fans over here, so buy, buy!

philosophy red velvet cake A sweetly-scented, ultra-rich, 3-in-1 shampoo, shower gel, and bubble bath which smells exactly like the famous Southern treat.

philosophy – shower for the cure Another great product in which 100% of the proceeds go towards the Women’s Cancer Research Fund. It is light and clean-smelling with a slight hint of tangerine.