Parents with Picky Eaters Holiday Handbook
By Glinda
Plucked from the archives of Teeny Manolo:
I don’t know about your family, but with my Italian and German heritages, we are not shy about the eating. The holidays bring buffets laden with too many delectables to choose from on the first go-around. And if there was not enough for everyone to have seconds, well then, the dinner is deemed a failure in our book.
My son is definitely a big eater, but unfortunately, only of foods that meet his predetermined criteria. These criteria, uploaded into his DNA during his formation, have yet to be shared fully with me. I know it includes foods that are too wet, too dry, too mushy, too crunchy, or display too many grill marks. Don’t ask.
So when the holidays roll around, the opportunities for food rejection rise sharply, as there are certain dishes made only during these times (hello cranberry sauce!) that he isn’t familiar enough with to consider viable for consumption. He’s good about trying new things, but if he doesn’t like it, he won’t continue to eat it.
What do to?
I try to follow a few simple guidelines during the holidays for my picky eater. These are pieces of wisdom that have taken me over five years to gain, and you are reaping the benefits from all the tantrums I had to deal with. Lucky you.
1. Limit the exposure of new foods to three at a time. Don’t load their plate with unfamiliar foods and expect them to unquestioningly eat them. You should already know this will most likely lead to confrontation, but sometimes the holidays can mess with our minds and make us believe that miracles can indeed happen. Sorry Virginia, they usually don’t.
2. Do have them only eat what everyone else is eating. If that means they ingest a lone dinner roll and some fruit salad, so be it. With most families, holiday dishes are both traditional and meaningful, and serving them chicken nuggets undermines that. (also, see number 5)
3. Don’t expect a three year old to sit quietly at the table while the adults talk politics or behind Aunt Margo’s back about her drinking problem. When they are done, let them be done, as long as they have eaten a fairly reasonable (for them) amount of food. Then, allow them to go on to a pre-planned after dinner activity.
4. Don’t give in to the temptation to tie in how much they eat at dinner to getting dessert. This just creates overall unhealthy food associations. And as the mother of a child who dislikes melted cheese, there are enough food-related obstacles to overcome already without throwing that sort of stuff in there.
5. As long as you know that they have eaten enough to fuel them for the next few hours, relax. So what if their protein intake was minimal? It is one night out of many, and they are not going to keel over from malnutrition.
See, that wasn’t so hard!
It’s the rest of the 358 days out of the year that are gonna be a bitch.
November 21st, 2007 at 8:39 am
If all goes according to last year’s plan, my son will eat rolls for Thanksgiving dinner.
November 21st, 2007 at 9:29 am
Now I must admit that since babyhood my kids will eat anything and are not fussy in the least, but every year at Thanksgiving we have one little guest who appears to live off of Goldfish and GoGurt, and who gets way with not even sitting at the table with the rest us for dinner.
This bugs the crap out of me, and every year I want to mention this to his Mom, but my husband always advises against it.
Can’t win ’em all I guess.
November 21st, 2007 at 10:03 am
Amen, sister! I remember growing up, my cousin only wanted to eat the olives and pickles from the relish tray on Thanksgiving. Some family would tut tut about how malnourished she would be, while the wise ones would say, “It’s one meal…leave her be.”
And regarding the dessert? AMEN!
November 21st, 2007 at 10:14 am
We always made the kids try a bite of everything, except the dressing, because there was never enough dressing anyway. When they got old enough to figure out we weren’t pushing it on them, they insisted on trying it, and now they fight over it, just like the rest of us!
Why aren’t they fighting over the sweet potatoes?
November 21st, 2007 at 10:42 am
Dinner rolls for the two youngest. Copious amounts of turkey and mashed potatos for the 11 year old.
November 21st, 2007 at 11:11 am
Is it bad that I need to follow these rules for me? THat I am an incredibly picky eater??
November 21st, 2007 at 12:02 pm
My six-year-old is an awesome eater, and always has been. The only things he consistently refuses to eat are mushrooms. My three-year-old, however, has her own personal idea of the food pyramid, with a brownie base and a whipped cream and cherry top. I am hoping for pumpkin pie on the desert table, just so she gets some semblance of vegetables into her; other than that, I’ll be lucky if she eats half a dinner roll.
November 21st, 2007 at 2:55 pm
For what it’s worth, which is not much, my little brother — he who went through years of preferring hot dogs, Honey Nut Cheerios, and spaghetti with meat sauce to all other foods — is now, at 26, the best and most adventurous cook in the family.
November 21st, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Good advice, Glinda.
(Protein is vastly over-rated. Or should I say over-calculated. Today’s RDA is *still* based on tests done in the 1920s, which were based on the percent of protein found in the breast milk of RATS: 20%. Guess how much protein is found in HUMAN breast milk? 2%. So basically, the RDA amounts are telling us we need to consume ten times more protein than our bodies need. Which could explain why we need 18 helpings of everything on that food pyramid….)
So pass the turkey, please. And whatever else is identifiable and tastes good with gravy, LOL. Have a great Thanksgiving!
November 21st, 2007 at 3:33 pm
I appreciate the advice, Glinda! I have been dealing with a picky seven-month old (loves sweet potatoes, hates turkey) and had just put my head in my hands as I thought ahead to years of holiday food fights, when I read it. Putting it all in perspective, I guess I can grant us both a break from wrestling matches on Thanksgiving and Christmas, right? Fabulous!
November 21st, 2007 at 9:49 pm
I have two picky eaters and I agree with you on many things. I do not let them have seperate food even if they just eat roll and meat. I let them have desserts at special gatherings even if they don’t eat well. I read somewhere recently that a child had to try a new food 8 times before they would learn to like it. We hardly ever make it past 2 or 3. I just don’t have the energy to fight those food battles. Happy Thanksgiving.
November 21st, 2007 at 11:33 pm
We never force our kids to eat anything, mostly because they’re hair-trigger vomiters when they don’t want to eat something, and that can ruin the holiday festivities for everyone.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
“…if he doesn’t like it, he won’t continue to eat it…”
This caught my attention. Why would ANYONE continue to eat something s/he didn’t like, unless starvation was imminent?
That said, good luck to all the picky eaters and their parents!
November 27th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
A child who doesn’t like melted cheese? Where do you order one of those? My plan is to be surrounded by family who won’t eat all the foods I love, so that when they’re served, say, the cheese-stuffed mushrooms, they pass them all to me.
The amount of stress involved over who eats what at the holiday meal is entirely a substitute for having those Eugene O’Neill style knock-down-drag-out “here’s what I always meant to tell you, Aunt Flossie…” talks. There’s conservation of drama, it’s just pushed onto a relatively meaningless substitute. Could be worse, I suppose. Nobody wants to hear what Aunt Flossie thinks of them!