10 Things Kids Don’t Want in Their Treat Bags | Teeny Manolo

10 Things Kids Don’t Want in Their Treat Bags

By Glinda

If you are like me, you haven’t yet bought your candy for fear that you might eat a goodly portion of it before Friday night. So, you have no excuses! Do not be one of “those houses!”

And we ALL know who they are.

If you have a health agenda, let me give you a heads up by saying that Halloween night is not the right time to push it on the neighborhood kids. Otherwise, they might get an agenda of their own that involves massive amounts of toilet paper.

Fruit-flavored hard candies/Butterscotch hard candies
Does anybody like these? Did they ever? Why are they still being made? I don’t know anyone that likes this stuff other than elderly people. Certainly no six year olds I’ve ever come into contact with.

Jawbreakers fall into the same category as the candies above, but with even less flavor and the potential for dental harm. There simply is no payoff here.

Red Hots
These are, at best, breath-fresheners, not real candy.

Necco Wafers
Perhaps at one time back in the day when processed sugar was a luxury, these were considered good. Times change, and nowadays sidewalk chalk probably tastes better.

Boston Baked Beans
These are neither from Boston, nor baked, nor are they even beans. We refuse to accept candy given under false pretenses.

“Fun sized” candy
Let’s be serious. You cannot just give out one “fun sized” candy. So you wind up giving out an entire handful. Just cut out the middle man and buy a whole bar, already!

Why would you hand out at Halloween something you can grab an entire fistful of for free at almost every restaurant?

Pretzels in decorated Halloween bags
See the second item on this list, but these are even worse because pretzels are not even remotely healthy with all of that salt.  You are fooling no one with the decorative bag.

You have to eat at least four to even taste anything. And I defy you to describe what they even taste like.  Not exactly sweet, not exactly sour. Something weirdly in between. And we like our candy non-weird, thank you. Giving out one single roll of Smarties does not mean you are being generous, either.

15 Responses to “10 Things Kids Don’t Want in Their Treat Bags”

  1. TeleriB Says:

    I buy raisins to give to the older kids who show up without costumes. If you can’t be bothered, neither can I.

    Shy toddlers aside, I also ask, “May I help you?” to any kid who silently thrusts their bag at me when I open the door. How hard is it to say, “Trick or treat!”?

  2. Awesome Mom Says:

    I bought smarties for the neighborhood kids. I got the fun sized bars for the church trunk or treat. See I am of the opinion that some chocolate is much better than none and we can’t afford the whole candy bars.

    I think that the peanut butter taffy and bit o honeys should be banned. Seriously who eats those any more?

  3. Brian's Babymomma Says:

    I hand out full sized candy bars. Usually Hersheys, Reeses, Skittles, Starburst, Snickers, and a few more. I make homemade goodies for the neighbor kids like popcorn balls and caramel apples. But I love some of the stuff on your list! Smarties rule! And goodness I love a good jawbreaker. My kids would dive into the raisins. There is no such thing as a bad Halloween treat.

  4. gamma Says:

    In my neck of the woods, full-size candy bars are rare; kids do well to get one or two in a night’s haul. Fun-size bars are considered highly satisfactory, and you can tailor the handout to how busy it is, cutting to one when you’re running out, and handfuls toward the end of the evening. Anything else is considered substandard, although everyone has their favorites.

    And I’m with you, TeleriB, on the silent out-thrust bag. I tell ’em, “you gotta say it!”

    Older kids without costumes I can tolerate, but I am weirded out by middle-aged women, even in costumes, without a child in tow. Just buy yourself some candy.

  5. raincoaster Says:

    Full-size chocolate bars? WHOA, livin’ large! I don’t think I’ve ever gotten one of those in my life! That’s why I like the mini bars: you usually get three (uh, I mean GIVE OUT three, yeah, that’s what I meant) and they’re all different kinds.

    Also, I LIKE the peanut butter taffy, what you call Smarties (and we call “those pastel chalky things) and jawbreakers. But then, I’m weird.

    You people have Baked Bean candies that don’t have beans in them? Do they still make you fart? If they do, there is no reason for them not to be popular among eight and nine year olds.

  6. raincoaster Says:

    @TeleriB, I keep boxes of Nerds to give to those who don’t really try. It’s great to open the door to a crowd and go “Here are your three chocolate bars, and WOW you got an Eat More, those rule, and here are YOUR three chocolate bars, and here is YOUR package of Nerds!”

  7. dgm Says:

    Are you kidding me–my kids (and hubby) love Smarties and Necco Wafers, but they get excited about honey on a piece of bread, so there you go.

    Awesome Mom is right–those orange-or-black-wrapped peanut butter taffy things were nasty. Even back in my day they were considered the loser candy. We would have rather had raisins. I’m grossed out by that whole waxy retinue of chocolate, to wit, Mounds, Almond Joys, Snickers & Mars Bars. Ick! I’ll take your butterscotch candies any day!

  8. Meg Says:

    I still love chocolate necco wafers.

    But I don’t hand them out at Halloween. It’s mini chocolates for kids with costumes of appropriate age (not teenagers) who say trick or treat and are polite. Everyone else gets dots and tootsie rolls and whatnot.

  9. raincoaster Says:

    What has this world come to when Tootsie Rolls are considered a consolation prize?

    Also, you you Yanks have those Kraft caramels and toffees? Those are the shizznit, especially the coffee ones!

  10. La Petite Acadienne Says:

    Full-size chocolate bars? WHOA, livin’ large! I don’t think I’ve ever gotten one of those in my life! That’s why I like the mini bars: you usually get three (uh, I mean GIVE OUT three, yeah, that’s what I meant) and they’re all different kinds.

    Also, I LIKE the peanut butter taffy, what you call Smarties (and we call “those pastel chalky things) and jawbreakers. But then, I’m weird.

    I think we call Smarties “Rockets” here, if I’m not mistaken. To us, Smarties are those lovely chocolate candies (like Reese’s Pieces, but with chocolate instead of peanut butter). And yeah, very rarely did I ever get the full size bar. The mini bars were still a pretty choice treat, and usually went first. My stepdad would eat all the molasses taffy. This year we’ve got mini-bars and small packs of Gummi Bears. But we’re usually pretty generous with them, as we tend to only get about a dozen kids.

  11. qc Says:

    I personally love the butterscotch candies. And my policy has always been, “No Costume, No Candy”. I had a few high schoolers come to my door last year. The girls were in costume and the boys were not. When I told them my rule, one of the guys took the angel wings and halo from his (I presume) girlfriend and put them on himself. If a teenage boy is willing to do that, he deserves the candy!

  12. SJHC Says:

    My husband is a Smarties freak. Left to his own devices, he’d eat a whole bag by himself. That’s why we’re handing out M & Ms this year.

  13. Glinda Says:

    We seem to have quite the few Smarties defenders here.

    I’m just saying that given the choice between something not on this list (mayhap excepting those peanut butter taffy things) they will choose the Smarties last.

    I actually still have Smarties from last Halloween that the Munchkin never ate.

  14. mrsdarwin Says:

    You’re dead on about the hard candies and the butterscotch discs. Ugh.

    How the times have changed — I never once got a full-sized candy bar in my bag. Then as now, however, I would trade almost any candy for a miniature Hershey’s Special Dark bar. Those are my favorites, and they don’t make them in full-size anymore.

  15. galadrium Says:

    I make kids perform for candy. Little ones just have to look cute. Medium ones have to do or say something that goes with their costume. Bigger ones often get math or trivia questions…the more pathetic the costume, the harder the question. And no, if they don’t answer they don’t get anything. I would answer questions or perform for mini-chocolates! I wouldn’t for raisins or hard candy.

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