10 Simple Rules for Raising a Brat
By Glinda
1. Assure your little one that they are the sun, and everyone else, including you, are merely insignificant planets that revolve around them.
2. Give them everything they want as soon as they want it.
3. Let them win every game they ever play against you.
4. Excuse their misbehavior.
5. Never follow through with a threatened consequence.
6. Provide them with no structure.
7. Be a bad example and expect them not to follow it.
8. Allow them to hit you.
9. Be their “friend,” not their parent.
10. Be quick to anger, slow to show affection.
Now, it’s your turn! Fire away at will!
October 14th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Absolutely never, ever give them chores or responsibility.
Do not ask them to earn their allowance with to do lists. It’s their right to get money for absolutely no effort.
No matter what they’ve done, bail them out. They should never have to deal with consequences.
Allow them to do whatever they want. That way they never get angry and you don’t have to have negative feelings in the house.
October 14th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Defend their actions at school until the bitter end. Tell the teacher or supervisor that they are obviously (pick one) mean, unfair, unintelligent, prejudiced against your child or unqualified to hold their position. Heck, accuse them of all of the above..in front of the child.
October 15th, 2008 at 9:18 am
Do all their school projects for them.
Challenge the teacher every time your kid gets lower than an A (it’s clearly the fault of the teacher).
If they interrupt you when you are speaking to someone else, stop your conversation so that you can let your child talk.
Let them play with their electronic devices for as lonnnnnnng as they want. If they get really angry when it’s time to stop because they have to do something else, let them keep playing. Fer sure.
October 15th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Talk bad about other people in front of them, being as snotty and judgemental as possible. Don’t worry, your kids will never ever use this standard against you when they are a teenager and know everything!
October 15th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Let them tell you to Shutup and get out of my room! Let them use your credit card online.Give them a cell phone with unlimited minutes and text and allow them to use it 24/7 non stop. Buy them a brand new car the second they turn 16 and when they crash it,buy them a newer one.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:49 am
1) Show no appreciation for the blessings you have in life, such as health, a good job, a stable home, a loving family. Be selfish and nihilistic.
2) Keep them out of church, since “Those people are all hypocrites”. They don’t need to know that there are things that transcend the here and now.
3) Judge everyone by how much money (you think) they have. Be jealous of those who are better off, and look down on those who seem to have less than you.
October 16th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Permit them to cause a disturbance in any and every public place, because after all, they are your children and the world should have to “deal with” all that they do. This includes screaming, throwing things and/or running where it is NOT appropriate for extended periods of time.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:32 am
Speak positively of single-parent culture, and validate every sort of alternative lifestyle.
Deconstruct standards. For instance, decorum is a manifestation of paternalism and class disparities.
Teach them that government is the solution. “Personal responsibility” is simply an old-school concept for shifting the blame to the victim.
Walk away from your mortgage, and default on your credit cards. Make sure the kid knows that the end-holder of the obligation won’t be hurt because the Fed and Treasury are buying up the paper at 100 cents on the dollar. No harm, no foul.
Seek sanctity in pop-culture trends. For instance, if someone is green enough, it isn’t necessary to undertake the hard work of building character.
Saving is for suckers. When your kid blows his allowance and doesn’t have enough to buy something he really wants, buy it for him.
October 27th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Talk about money in front of them – yours and everyone else’s – all the time. If someone gives you a nice gift, talk about how much it cost. Never say someone “got” you a present – say “bought.” If you buy something, especially something expensive, make sure to discuss the price at length, and exactly what that means in view of your family’s current financial position. If your family is in financial straits, have all related conversations in front of the child – why should a child believe that there will always be food on the table? They’re just little adults. If another person buys something expensive, discuss the price of THAT, and what that means in view of that person’s financial position.
Don’t worry. The child will never repeat any of these items to the people who were under discussion, or make jarring, un-child-like statements about his family’s finances or other people’s money to adults you don’t know well.