A Different Sort of Prejudice
By Glinda
A few weeks ago, I ran into the mother of a former classmate of the Munchkin’s. I hadn’t seen her since June, so we spent a few mintues chatting. After we found out that we are political twins, talk rolled around to our local schools. I mentioned that I wasn’t that fond of the current principal of Munchkin’s school, and she suggested I transfer him over to the school her son is attending.
I expressed interest, and then asked if that school had a gifted program, which is also at the Munchkin’s school. She said that it didn’t and that she wasn’t impressed with the program and how it was run. She thought her oldest daughter might test as gifted, but she insisted that she would not enroll her in the program.
I asked why, and she said, “Because I don’t want her thinking she is better than anyone else.”
My eyes goggled out of my head for a moment, and I excused myself and picked them up off the floor.
“But,” I replied after I regained my mental composure, “people and kids are always going to think they are “better” than others, and a lot of the time it isn’t even true! So if your child is academically gifted, what is wrong with acknowledging that?”
Indeed, what is wrong with that?
Parents have no problem boasting that their child is a prodigy in violin, or taekwondo, or drawing, or photography, or any other discipline. But if a parent says that their child is academically gifted, an awkward gap suddenly yaws in the conversation.
Many people seem to think that the gifted programs in our public schools are simply a case of elitism. Why, academically gifted kids don’t need any special attention! They can get along just fine!
But yet these same people would chafe if their musically gifted son was to share a class with students who could barely pound out “Chopsticks.” They would feel their child was getting shortchanged.
Why should the parent of an academically gifted child feel differently?
Smart kids aren’t perfect. They don’t excel at everything, and come with their own set of challenges. But lately there seems to be a huge backlash against “smart” people, which sometimes even extends to teachers within the system itself. We are turning into a culture which celebrates mediocrity and dubious achievement a la Paris Hilton.
Everyone should be encouraging the next generation of high-achieving doctors, lawyers, educators, and scientists instead of feeling threatened, or insecure, or whatever feeling leads you into thinking they don’t deserve special attention.
Because if you have the choice of a neurosurgeon who got straight A’s versus one with a C average, we already know which one you are going to pick.
So get over it, already.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:49 am
I remember very clearly a day in fourth grade. We had a new student in our small class who wasn’t fitting in very well. Part of me wonders if it was a racial issue – new student was Latino – but if memory serves so were Oscar and Erika. Maybe it was a second generation vs. third+ generation difference. I don’t know: he was a boy and therefore not on my social radar anyway.
Anyway, Teacher decided to address the issue. She had us all put our heads down on our desks and, with no preamble, asked that if any of us thought we were better than other people, we should raise our hand.
“Well,” I thought, “I’m better at school than the rest of these guys.” So I raised my hand.
I felt really bad a few minutes later when further lecture by Teacher made it clear that there was a difference between “better than” and “better at than.” Because I didn’t think I was somehow more worthy of human dignity than the other kids. I just knew I got better grades.
I think some people retain my childish confusion. It doesn’t help that, unlike a specific talent for art or music or sports, smarts can make you “better at than” many or most of the subjects kids are graded on. It’s hard to not equate “smarter” with “better” when all the metrics being used do.
(That said? Boy, do I wish my school had had a G&T program.)
September 17th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Glinda, Loved the last paragraph! My sainted mother always said, when going to see the Doctor, that she didn’t care how many framed diplomas were on his wall, what she would rather see was his report card. She was a wise woman.
September 17th, 2008 at 9:28 am
I grew up homeschooled, so I kind of had my own personal G&T program, but also hung out with other homeschoolers, who tend to do very well academically. I thought I was average to below average compared to the rest of them until I was in college (I didn’t choose a school with very rigorous entrance standards) and then realized that if I didn’t hide my constant A’s from the rest of my class that I would either be an object of hate/awe, or have to tell people that ask me for study tips that I don’t really study the material in any special way, just read it… then they either hate me more or ask if we can study together, as if my good grades will flow to them by osmosis.
I think that all of those people are amazing and talented in their own ways, but I think that people should be allowed to blossom in their talent and even be applauded for it without being ostracized or exploited.
September 17th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I am struggling with this issue at my son’s school right this minute. My son has been identified as gifted, and the school supposedly has a gifted program, but the school also has BIG issues with acknowledging the gifted kids and providing services for them. I’m not expecting that my son be called up in the front of the class and labeled gifted, but I think that if the school is accepting money to provide services for gifted kids, services should be provided. It’s as if they don’t want to deal with the smart kids, exactly as you said, because “Why, academically gifted kids don’t need any special attention! They can get along just fine!”
September 17th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I had written a post I was editing, then the browser flaked, so hopefully I’m not duplicating posts…
Much to discuss!
1. I SO agree with TeleriB: “smarter than” does not equal “better than,” or “more important than” or “more worthy of respect than.” I’ve known lots of people from all over the intellectual and educational spectrum, and there is no correlation between IQ and moral characteristics such as honesty, integrity, compassion, respect, and faithfulness.
2. Unfortunately one of the reasons “smarter than” gets equated with “better than” is that many highly intelligent people act like they are better than others not so intellectually gifted. High IQ is a gift to be tended, nurtured, and harnessed in service to others, and it would help society if those so gifted could remember that.
3. I was blessed enough to go through an early, experimental G&T program in public schools. Since it was experimental, only kids who really wanted to be there participated, and the teachers and principals were committed to it. It was fantastic for us–we were no longer nerds or geeks or socially ostracized for being smart–nor did we think we were better than everybody else, because we were all smart! We sat around making polyhedrons out of construction paper and reading Tolkien and enjoying it. Sadly the program took off and became a mark of social approbation for parents–so there was a big push to expand the program and lots of kids were shoved into it who didn’t really want to be in it but their parents wanted them there and it lost its focus. And since it became a mark of social status, it became to be viewed as “elitist,” rather than a program to nurture children with different needs. Which is a pity, because now I think there’s a backlash against G&T programs because of the aura of elitism, which there shouldn’t be.
4. Glinda–do you think your friend would feel differently if she were discussing an eldest son, rather than daughter? I remember reading an article about parents who push to get their young children tested for high IQ when young–one of the testers commented that parents of sons were more likely to bring them in for testing than parents of daughters. In some ways it’s still hard for girls to be “smart” and “socially acceptable.” Did your friend feel ostracized at school because she was smart?
5. It’s impossible for the current school system to keep up with all the various mandates to meet all the different needs of so many different kids. There are only so many resources, and so many kids come into public schools so far behind in academic skills, the recent emphasis has been on helping underprivileged and underperforming kids come up to speed (thank you, NCLB) rather than helping academically gifted children blossom intellectually. It is unfortunate that some schools were performing so horribly that NCLB was necessary, but what can a parent do? Keep looking for schools that meet your kids’ needs as best they can, or home school, or provide as much extracurricular academic enrichment as possible.
September 17th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
G&T programs were a lifeline for me as a kid; in a regular classroom being smart made you a lot of things, and most of them did not help you excel socially. Everyone knows you’re smart and it sets you apart. But at the same time, you almost feel like you’re pulling one over on people because you don’t FEEL smart, you’re just being yourself. G&T programs not only help students get the crucial academic challenges they need to not get lost in the system and written off as a behavior problem because they’re bored or suppressed because they are pushing the envelope on their teachers. They also provide a necessary level of emotional support as identity develops and you address how being a “smart kid” is part of who you are, how it influences your place in society, and how to be okay with who you are in spite of or because of all that. It’s complicated growing up gifted because you get lot of mixed messages, and having access to both the teachers and the other students in a good G&T program can really be crucial to help a child develop healthily and meet their potential.
As for parents who see G&T as elitist, I feel bad for their kids, because they’re getting yet another mixed message at home. Are academic successes celebrated, but then they’re punished for not being able to sit still through the third repeat of a lesson on something they understood the first time it was taught? What are parents teaching their kids, intentionally or not, about the “okayness” of being gifted as part of their identity? Are they driving them to suppress part of themselves, baiting them towards mediocrity? Gifted kids, just like all kids, need support from their parents as they discover who they are. What you’re good at, what makes you happy, is a huge part of who you are and how you will live a positive life. Kids need their parents to be ok with that. Kids get enough confusion from the rest of the world telling them that who they are is wrong, bad, or not good enough, no matter what they are–more smart, less smart, fat, thin, pretty, ugly, girl, boy, athletic or not. They don’t need more of it from their parents. They need their parents to support them in developing as a person and learning to pursue their own passion.
September 17th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Leah is correct. Everyone already knows you’re smart. Do you remember who the smart kids were in your class growing up? Of course you do, especially if it was you. Does this woman actually think that her daughter will win the spelling bee and no one will notice? Will she consistently know the answer to the questions that others don’t, but be blissfully unaware of that? Will the other kids call her smartypants and she won’t hear them? Will she not realize that she was the only one to get an A+ on the math test?
Is there a possibility–since her daughter has not been tested–that she is actually afraid that her daughter would not test positive for smartness and she as a mother might feel that the other kids were better than her daughter? There can be a lot of weird comparison “issues” between parents in many areas, scholastic, sports and otherwise. Once children become discussed between parents, some conversations can become so fraught with danger that you can feel that you are stepping gingerly through a minefield of parental insecurities.
I have one TAG kid and one who gets special ed help. It’s important to realize as a parent you are trying to help each child develop their own unique abilities on their own time schedule rather than entering them in a race with the other kids. Sometimes parents can forget that.
September 18th, 2008 at 1:27 am
@marvel- I think it would have been the same if it was a son, because she said she was worried about the daughter (the eldest) lording her “gifted” status over her two younger siblings.
But, some great points made, everyone.
I agree in that kids automatically know who is smart and who isn’t. Just as they know who is great at basketball and who isn’t.
September 21st, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Clapping enthusiastically.
You’re right – people are brought down for being smarter than others…I definitely agree.
I wasn’t “gifted” as a high-schooler in Tennessee (but was as a middle-schooler in Alabama – I think the TN program at my school was very “teacher’s pet”, no offense to my friends that were in it)…but I did graduate 4th in my high school class of 400…and the school’s “gift” to the top 20 – the academic “cream of the crop” of the school?
Long-sleeve “Far Side” nerd shirts chosen by the graphic design class (none of whom were in the top 20). My friend in that class told me (proudly): “The teacher told us to really make fun of the top 20″. The top 20 was collectively TICKED.
I get it with the kids – it’s jealousy and other issues – but when TEACHERS have a beef with the smart kids? That’s messed up.
And don’t get me started on the “my kid beat up your honor student” – who wants to brag that their kid is a delinquent?
October 27th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
I am ridiculously, incredibly late to the party, but I find this a sensitive topic and must talk.
I’m gifted. I received gifted education from Grade 4 to Grade 10 (the most possible where I live). Before I met my peers, I was a total outcast – too smart, too noncompetitive, too self-advocating . . . just not right. My words didn’t fit their way of life, I spoke with an “accent”, I didn’t actually care about marks, I passive-aggressively refused to draw lines in our cheap journals because I knew I wrote perfectly without them. I knew I was different, and the other kids picked up on this, responding with ostracization.
When I met my peers, we all just clicked. We were all automatically friends and acted like one huge, happy family. One could barely tell where I stopped and my seatmate started. We all thought very similarly, and we all had complementary eccentricities. It was a safe, healthy, nurturing environment for everyone, which “regular” school would not have been.
It’s not about me thinking that I’m better than everyone else, even though I was constantly told that. It’s about me not getting support. “Gifties” are not the majority (70ish gifted students v.s. 300+ total students in my high school), and we’re ostracized.
Give a child a nurturing environment with people that are trained to help them and “freaks” just like them, and it takes away the elitism. It teaches them that they’re one of many while developing life skills. It gives them tailor-made hard work and accommodations so that they can be ranked the same way everyone else can. Do we oppose low-level or “special education” programs because they isolate people to a similar extent and make them believe that they are entitled to things?
Whew, loooong post. But I really had to get that off my chest.