Because I Give a Hoot
By GlindaDear Mom to Your Couldn’t Have Been Older Than 12 Year Old Son,
Come a little closer to me. Yes, a little closer now…
Sorry, but I really needed to give you a good smack upside the head.
Because what are you thinking, allowing your young, impressionable son to wear this in public?
Oh, let me guess. You weren’t thinking at all, were you?
I was truly speechless to see a boy sporting such a shirt as this. I already question people who dine at Hooters with young kids, much less those giving a hearty two thumbs up to wearing a Hooters T-shirt. I thought about trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you fought him tooth and nail on this, and compromised with permission only if he read 30 books in a year, and then he could wear it once.
I’m guessing, however, that this wasn’t the case. And it wasn’t Dad’s shirt, because the shirt fit your son quite well.
And yes, I am going to judge you. Because we are lying to ourselves if we think we don’t judge people by what they wear. We may try not to, because we all know that it is what’s on the inside that counts. But when I am sharing a restaurant with you and am forced into staring at this lovely graphic during my meal, I’m just not inclined to look much deeper than the shirt.
So Mom, I’m going to look askance at you. With a son that young, you should be able to put your foot down and insist that he cannot wear it out.
Or how about this revolutionary idea, that this particular piece of clothing do a little disappearing act from the closet altogether? Or some “accidentally” spilled bleach? Or claiming it was the only item around while the cat was having kittens?
If you need more ideas, you know how to reach me.
Smooches,
Glinda
August 19th, 2008 at 9:02 am
I would recommend against a disappearing act. If this mother cannot put her foot down now, her child will be uncontrollable later. Then we teachers are going to have to deal with this insufferable little imp when we’re supposed to be teaching the children of people who actually parent. The gene-donor ( I refuse to call her a parent ) will complain that we are harassing little Fauntleroy, the gutless administration will back down, and the imp will continue to disrupt.
All the while people will wonder why there isn’t any education going on.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:27 am
The disappearing act can work well if the shirt was, say, a gift from a parentally-challenged peer at a birthday party. Or an ex who’s using his son as a pawn in a vicious get-mommy game.
My first guess, though, is that Mom doesn’t have a problem with it at all. Maybe she’s featured on the shirt.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I think you may be holding back Obi-Wan…..tell us how you really feel
Seriously, people should be required to pass a test and sign a contract before being allowed to become parents.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I hope something tragic happens to the shirt before the first day of school. And they wonder why teachers appreciate uniform policies…..
August 19th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Something similar: When the movie “Hustle and Flow” was released, the ushers at my movie theater were wearing t-shirts saying, “It’s hard out there for a pimp.” I asked one of these 14-yr-old kids if his mother knew he was wearing the shirt. “Yeah,” he answered. “She asked me to get one for her.”
Not exactly how I would have handled the situation.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Didn’t Oscar Wilde say “only shallow people believe clothes aren’t important?”
August 19th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
One problem I can see is that Mom may very well have made a deal with the kid that he can buy his own clothes if he earns the money. Then, when he comes home with that monstrosity, what can she do? Of course, I’d refuse to go out to dinner with a young man who was dressed in that shirt, whether he was my son or not. And what’s he going to do then, drive himself to Chez Pannisse?
August 20th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
She can say, “You can buy your own clothes subject to my approval.”
Signed,
A childless person