They Grow Up So Fast | Teeny Manolo






They Grow Up So Fast

By raincoaster

I’m relatively sure we’ve already used that headline (and will again, no doubt) but what else can you call a blog post about stripper heels for babies?

Yes, she said Stripper Heels For Babies.

Heelarious? Not so much, akshuly

heežlaržižous [he-lair-ee-uhs] – noun:
extremely funny, completely soft, fully functional
high heel crib shoes for babies.

Not intended for walking (heel will collapse with weight).

Not intended to harm children in any way.

WARNING: May cause extreme smiling and hysterical laughter when in use (this is completely normal).

You know what? No, it’s not. Not normal, unless your last name is Spears, and if this doesn’t physically hurt your child, imagine the tsunamis of psychological damage these babies can cause, if not now then in junior high when Stan’s basketball team get ahold of his baby book.

Just. No. What is this? “Baby needs a new pair of CFMP’s?

via Dlisted and Crunk&Disorderly









11 Responses to “They Grow Up So Fast”




  1. Jennie Says:

    Holy F**kballs! I thought it was out of line to dress children like baby Brittanys. This is obscene. It’s JonBene to the nth degree.




  2. raincoaster Says:

    It’ll go well with the kid’s line from House of Dereon.




  3. Carol Says:

    “Not intended to harm children in any way”??? Perhaps no immediate physical harm, but the danger to the psyche is just waiting in the wings. Silliest thing I’ve seen this week.




  4. Chicklet Says:

    If I could shoot lasers out of my eyes, one of my first targets would be the creators of this product.




  5. Annalucia Says:

    What is the purpose of the “crib shoe,” or any shoe for the child who is nowhere near ready to walk? If it is for warmth, one can put on the extra layer of socks. If it is to be cute, the bare baby feets are extremely cute and need no artificial enhancement whatsoever.

    The children of the Annalucia each received their first pair of shoes about the time they were starting to walk, that is to say, twelve months or thereabouts. None are any the worse for not having worn silly shoes as infants.




  6. marvel Says:

    The purpose of the “crib shoe” is to extract money from the pockets of parents-who-should-know-better and transfer said money to the coffers of
    “crib shoe” manufacturers, distributors, and retailers. Which, truth be told, is the sole purpose of MANY baby items on the market.




  7. Kate Cavendish Says:

    I was just about to email the Manolo about these abominations when I thought I’d check your blog first. These are so appalling, with their Sex and the City-ization of infants.




  8. raincoaster Says:

    I wouldn’t email this to the Manolo. His constitution is just recovering from the Croc madness. It would set him back. Really, it would be cruel.




  9. Kelley Says:

    I mean what? What? You say what?

    OMG my poor brain cant compute this… It is just so WRONG!




  10. Confused Says:

    Okay so where do you draw the line? Its okay to dress baby in other cute goofy things, or adult fashion inspired infant wear (come on, tattoo art and such) but this gag gift has you all in fits over how “tacky” it is? I think its a joke, perhaps best used for halloween?




  11. raincoaster Says:

    Not from what I’ve seen of their marketing; it’s supposed to be a “gift” item. As for where you draw the line, that’s easy: you draw the line at sex. Goofy is fine. Tacky is fine. Sexy is not fine.












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