Monday Teeny Poll
By Glinda
Last week’s poll about educating boys and girls separately got a fairly mixed response. Thirty six percent thought it was a great idea, while only one percent more felt it wasn’t. Twenty five percent weighed in with it being ok for certain classes only. I happen to think that it is fine, and I had the experience of attending an all-girls high school, which was fabulous. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I’m not sure I agree with the whole “then they will never know how to interact with the opposite sex” rationale. I never seemed to have a problem getting a boyfriend, am now happily married, and I can converse just fine with members of the opposite sex.
Now, onto that subject which, along with politics, is not supposed to be discussed. Well, I’ve never been one for social conventions, so on with the religious talk! Religion is one of those touchy subjects that people usually seem to feel rather heated about, no matter what their religious, if any, persuasion.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:20 am
The Annalucia clicked “Extremely important” but she must add a few words, as the choices offered do not offer sufficient qualification.
To give a child a religious education, the parents must be believers themselves, and they must attempt to live by the codes which they would pass on to their children. This sounds as thought it ought to be obvious, but alas it is not. The mother of the Annalucia is completely irreligious but she insisted that her daughters go to Mass; her attitude might be summed up as “Do the part that shows, but don’t take it *too* seriously.” Needless to say she did not go to church herself, and in her everyday behavior (ill-tempered, violent and crass) she did not feel that religious rules of conduct applied to her.
Truly, there is no better way to vaccinate a child against religious belief than the one cited. Both of the Annalucia’s sisters have long since abandoned any religion, and the Annalucia herself was away from church during most of her twenties - until she married the Tedesco and acquired a family that actually lived its faith instead of merely giving lip-service. Not a pretty-picture-book family of course, and some of them have since gone their own way. But the core is there, and the Annalucia she is grateful.
To repeat: raise your children with your beliefs, but they had better really be your beliefs. It is not something that can be faked.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:33 am
I clicked “extremely important” but I am not so sure it is important to raise them withing one particular religious background. More important than allegiance to one faith is allegiance to the truth, and as we grow we often find that we didn’t have all the answers before; this applies to adults as well as to children.
I can’t say my gift of Kant to a ten-year-old was enthusiastically welcomed, but he still has that book, he’s read it several times, and he’s the better for it. My mother raised my sister and me with the understanding we would attend the church of her choice until we had good reason to choose one of our own (”Suzanne goes there” was not a good enough reason). As a result, we went to a different church every time we moved, because she picked the one where she felt the Sunday School teacher was least dogmatic and most analytical.
She was Buddhist, actually. But by God did this ever give us an understanding of the way different groups approach exactly the same problem: What is the nature of God?
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
I was raised in a household of faith, which was the core of our lives. Not that we lived it perfectly, but when I messed up, I knew it. To my good fortune, mr. gamma had a similar upbringing in the same faith, so our strategy was simple–continue as we began. Our children, now independent, practice our faith on their own, and I believe it has helped them make choices that avoid some of the deepest unhappinesses.
Although I espouse a particular faith, I would encourage every parent to live their faith with integrity, and teach it to their children. This becomes more difficult if one is a not a person of faith.
It is one of the hard parts of parenthood, that one sees a place in oneself where change is needed to be a better parent. For me, it was wearing seat belts.
To a parent who is not a person of faith, I would say: you must either find a faith, or develop a code of ethics that you deeply believe, tie it if you can to something greater than yourself, live it with integrity (yes, I know, we all mess up, it’s the commitment to the effort that is important), and teach it to your children. Otherwise, they will grow up rudderless and, if they are talented, become Enron executives.
However, if your core belief is that one must have a facial and manicure every six weeks to be a better person, you would do better to find a faith.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I checked “Not Important at All”. I respect the right of other people to have their faith and their right to bring up their children however they wish. That being said, my husband and I are firmly of the belief that it is up to the parents to teach their children good morals, ethics and values, and that religion is in no way necessary to those teachings.
It’s a bit of a sore spot with us, as several devout family members have expressed surprise that we have such strong values, even though we’re atheists. It is as though many people think that were it not for organized religion, human beings would have absolutely NO moral compass - a concept that I find rather insulting.
We plan on bringing our children up without religion. If they are curious about a particular religion, we will provide them with information. And when they are older, if they gravitate towards a particular faith, that will be their prerogative.
I, like the other commenters here thus far, think that parents need to not just teach good morals and values, but they have to HAVE good morals and values, and to live that way so that the kids grow up in that environment of integrity and ethics. But as far as I’m concerned, religion is in no way necessary to any of that. I want my kids to be good people because they WANT to be good people, not because they’ve been told about some improbable rewards/punishments in the afterlife.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I’ve checked somewhat important because I feel that although they need an understanding of the world’s religions, faith is a personal issue. I provide my sons with a moral compass that is common to all religions. I feel that faith in a higher power and a guiding light in one’s life is important, however religion, to me, is all about dogma, which I can do without (and do). I was raised without a “religion” because my parents felt it was important for me to have choice. I have faith, I believe in not killing people, being kind, helping others, living a fulfilling life etc, and I got all that without religion. That’s what I am passing on to my children.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Don’t you think it depends on how you define religion? There’s organized religion, a general belief in God, a strong moral compass, and (for some) a place you attend once a week or on special holidays.
What I think is that my children need to be aware of what I believe and see that I live it. They also need to understand that they can choose for themselves what they believe. If that is raising a child with a religious background, I say Extremely Important.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:08 am
Integrity, morality, compassion, manners, and the ability to reason are what every child needs to be taught. Religion is very personal and will either be decided on as an adult or become habitual or for show. One of my parents was excessively religious but not at all any of the above.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
We are not a religious family but we send our daughter to a Lutheran school simply because it provides the best education for her right now. As a consequence, she learns about Jesus and Lutheran beliefs, and we tell her she must be respectful of that while she is at school, but we also encourage her to ask questions. I was raised Catholic by a former nun, and I gotta say I never really bought into any of it. My kids may turn out different and I’m cool with that. I’m with La Petite Acadienne, however, in that I do not think religion or faith are necessary to live a moral life. One can be principled and ethical and compassionate without taking direction from a god or her teachings.
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I’m with La Petite Accadienne.
I was in my late teens before I figured out my father was a cultural Presbyterian and my mother was a long and thoroughly lapsed Catholic. We never discussed religion in terms that covered their personal beliefs. I think they both felt it was too personal for them to talk about much. OTOH, they taught me plenty of morals and ethics…just not in terms of God or any other diety.
What religious instruction I got, I sought out on my own. In the end, I figured out I was an atheist, and I’m comfortable with that. I’m also respectful of other peoples’ religious beliefs. I don’t have to share them to be considerate of what they believe in.
But I would also echo the Annalucia in that if you plan to teach your children your religion, you’d darn well truly believe it and attempt to live it. Of course, the same can be said of any moral code, whether based around a religion or not.