Comments on: Tough Guy http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/ Celebrating the Joys of Parenting and Childhood Sun, 07 Sep 2008 15:45:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: Jackie Joy http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11770 Jackie Joy Mon, 05 May 2008 04:56:59 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11770 It's an instinctual response. "Don't cry, don't cry!" because kids work themselves up once they start a-wailing. I say it to my daughter just as you would say it to your son and I think that makes it even. You didn't do anything wrong! I am always saying, "Oh, you're fine, you're fine!" while yanking her up from the ground. Then there's a moment where I pause and double check--"Are you okay, baby?" And she says either that she's okay or that she got an owie, but since I'm not freaking out she's not freaking out. I think it's for the best! It’s an instinctual response. “Don’t cry, don’t cry!” because kids work themselves up once they start a-wailing. I say it to my daughter just as you would say it to your son and I think that makes it even.

You didn’t do anything wrong! I am always saying, “Oh, you’re fine, you’re fine!” while yanking her up from the ground. Then there’s a moment where I pause and double check–”Are you okay, baby?” And she says either that she’s okay or that she got an owie, but since I’m not freaking out she’s not freaking out. I think it’s for the best!

]]> By: Eilish http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11591 Eilish Sat, 03 May 2008 06:27:49 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11591 Don't kick yourself. I'm with raincoaster and gemdiva on this one. I think you taught him an important lesson in controlling himself and his emotions. He knows that its OK to cry if he needs to, but also, that he doesn't have to in order to handle pain. Self-control over actions and emotional responses will serve him well his whole life. Just look at the number of adults who haven't mastered that skill! That said, "OUCH!" I would be a wreck and immediately want to whisk him away home to pamper. Good thing I have a few years before kiddo has t-ball. (Even at three, though, one of his favorite phrases is "I fine!" often yelled out dramatically after a spill. Gemdiva's right, it's genetic.) Don’t kick yourself. I’m with raincoaster and gemdiva on this one. I think you taught him an important lesson in controlling himself and his emotions. He knows that its OK to cry if he needs to, but also, that he doesn’t have to in order to handle pain. Self-control over actions and emotional responses will serve him well his whole life. Just look at the number of adults who haven’t mastered that skill!

That said, “OUCH!” I would be a wreck and immediately want to whisk him away home to pamper. Good thing I have a few years before kiddo has t-ball. (Even at three, though, one of his favorite phrases is “I fine!” often yelled out dramatically after a spill. Gemdiva’s right, it’s genetic.)

]]> By: La Petite Acadienne http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11475 La Petite Acadienne Fri, 02 May 2008 01:02:05 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11475 Poor little Munchkin. He'll be okay, though. He's got a good momma who loves him and wants him to be happy and healthy. Be gentle with yourself, Glinda. None of us do it perfectly. Poor little Munchkin. He’ll be okay, though. He’s got a good momma who loves him and wants him to be happy and healthy.

Be gentle with yourself, Glinda. None of us do it perfectly.

]]> By: Jennie http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11392 Jennie Wed, 30 Apr 2008 22:21:30 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11392 I cried a little tear for the Munchkin and you Glinda. Who hurt worse, the little man being brave thru the pain or his mum feeling guilty for more reasons than she should? Yes, we tell our little boys to buck up and be brave. That boys don't cry. We cuddle our little girls and tell them to get it out, they will feel better. We swear we won't raise our kids based on stereotypes but find ourselves channeling the same messages our parents gave us. It is a fine line we tread. You are doing fine, you are aware, and you will be there when the Munchkin falls and cries. You will be there when he pushes you away and tells you to stop treating him like a baby. And you will be there each time telling him that's OK. I cried a little tear for the Munchkin and you Glinda. Who hurt worse, the little man being brave thru the pain or his mum feeling guilty for more reasons than she should? Yes, we tell our little boys to buck up and be brave. That boys don’t cry. We cuddle our little girls and tell them to get it out, they will feel better. We swear we won’t raise our kids based on stereotypes but find ourselves channeling the same messages our parents gave us. It is a fine line we tread. You are doing fine, you are aware, and you will be there when the Munchkin falls and cries. You will be there when he pushes you away and tells you to stop treating him like a baby. And you will be there each time telling him that’s OK.

]]> By: Twistie http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11359 Twistie Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:48:09 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11359 Oh Glinda, it's okay. Sometimes you can't know that the advice you give for one situation will be applied equally to another where it isn't as useful. Boys get the message early and often from all sorts of sources that tears aren't allowed to them. Who knows for sure whether it was your words that first day or the coach's words ever since that made him think crying was bad and weak? After all, if he said multiple times that you should be proud of him for not crying, chances are he's heard the 'don't cry' message reinforced at least a few times on the T-ball diamond. In the aftermath of the accident, you gave him good advice: to allow himself what outlet he needed. With a bit of luck and a good tailwind, maybe he'll listen to that bit of advice when he really needs it. In the meantime, I'm sending ice cream and hugs to both you and the Munchkin. It sounds like you could both use them. Oh Glinda, it’s okay. Sometimes you can’t know that the advice you give for one situation will be applied equally to another where it isn’t as useful. Boys get the message early and often from all sorts of sources that tears aren’t allowed to them. Who knows for sure whether it was your words that first day or the coach’s words ever since that made him think crying was bad and weak? After all, if he said multiple times that you should be proud of him for not crying, chances are he’s heard the ‘don’t cry’ message reinforced at least a few times on the T-ball diamond. In the aftermath of the accident, you gave him good advice: to allow himself what outlet he needed. With a bit of luck and a good tailwind, maybe he’ll listen to that bit of advice when he really needs it.

In the meantime, I’m sending ice cream and hugs to both you and the Munchkin. It sounds like you could both use them.

]]> By: gemdiva http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11349 gemdiva Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:44:03 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11349 Glinda, I hereby grant you permission to remove the hair shirt. This is not all your doing. There is some kind of weird "play through the pain" code hard wired into the DNA of most male children that kicks in when they start to play sports. I think that their teamates give off these "tough it out" pheramones that trigger the reaction that the munchkin demonstrated. My son once played an entire game of Little League baseball rafter getting hit in the face with the ball and breaking his nose. Trust me, they learn to "take one for the team" at a very early age. I agree with raincoaster. The munchkin now knows there are 2 options open to him when dealing with pain and both are OK. Poor little guy, hope he is doing lots better. Glinda, I hereby grant you permission to remove the hair shirt. This is not all your doing. There is some kind of weird “play through the pain” code hard wired into the DNA of most male children that kicks in when they start to play sports. I think that their teamates give off these “tough it out” pheramones that trigger the reaction that the munchkin demonstrated. My son once played an entire game of Little League baseball rafter getting hit in the face with the ball and breaking his nose. Trust me, they learn to “take one for the team” at a very early age. I agree with raincoaster. The munchkin now knows there are 2 options open to him when dealing with pain and both are OK. Poor little guy, hope he is doing lots better.

]]> By: raincoaster http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11341 raincoaster Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:40:16 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2008/04/30/tough-guy/#comment-11341 You shouldn't feel bad. Now he's got a choice; he knows he CAN cry, and you said that's okay. He's just developed the ability not to if he doesn't want to. He now has more than one way to handle emotion, so you did good. But my god, "The Munchin’s face was tore up pretty good" is just not something you ever want to read. Or type. You shouldn’t feel bad. Now he’s got a choice; he knows he CAN cry, and you said that’s okay. He’s just developed the ability not to if he doesn’t want to. He now has more than one way to handle emotion, so you did good.

But my god, “The Munchin’s face was tore up pretty good” is just not something you ever want to read. Or type.

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