That rapier wit, that irresistible malevolence, that roguish smile, the manly tan, the arm/chest pelt, those perfect teeth, those suspiciously buff pecs, the himbo pinup calendar: is it any wonder that Simon Cowell, evil overlord of American Idol, has won the hearts of so many? But there’s one more reason:

The hair.

We at TeenyManolo, as dwellers in the Manolosphere and survivors of the Eighties, are uniquely placed to reveal to the world the secret of Simon Cowell’s mane muse. Where, in a world dominated by variations of the Trent Reznor and the George Clooney does a man get the inspiration for such a vividly gravity-defying, yet carefree and jungle-lush look?

From just one place, my friends:

Yes, it’s the comeback of the hottest look of the Eighties: The Monchhichi. Via toybender.com. Sex-AY! Is it any wonder they’re also the inspiration for a line of condoms?

I don’t know why no one ever told me the truth. But I would now like to bring the truth out in the open, for all to see. I consider it my duty and a public service. You’re welcome.

When I brought my newborn home, I thought all was perfect and well with the world. And it was. For the first eight hours.

Then it became apparent that my life would never be the same.

Awww, Glinda, you are saying to yourself. Of course, a child changes your life in such a wonderful way! Such a wonderful, permanent way!

Well yes, there is all that with the bond you have with your offspring, yadda, yadda, yadda.

However, the permanent change that I’m referring to is that of not getting enough sleep. That is the change that no one bothered to tell me about. And if you ask me, it’s a rather important one.

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