It’s Baaaaaaaack!
By raincoaster
Looks like Ronald there is getting a little testy. What could possibly be the problem? Well, we all get a little defensive when we present something to our guests which we feel is a classic and they feel is a horrific Cthulhoid chemical morass, reminiscent of all the worst parts of the Seventies: Love Canal, Disco, the leisure suit, Farrah Fawcett’s acting, terrible hairdos, the Pacer, Watergate.
The Shamrock Shake.
I headed over to the local McDonalds and ordered one up. The employees gathered to stare at me the way people do when I ask for my tacos extra spicy or I’m about to eat something like pig’s ears. I heard one of the employees mumble to the other, “Did you taste it?” It is just as hideous as I remembered. It is like a blank milkshake that tastes like nothing. You think vanilla is “nothing” but it is surreal when you realize how powerful vanilla is, and how bad “nothing” really is…
There were no signs advertising the shakes, and it wasn’t even on the menu. Not even the drive-thru menu. It’s like their dirty little secret. The only good thing I can report is that they have really tuned down the use of food coloring. In the 70s they put so much food coloring in the Shamrock shake, it was known for turning children’s poo bright blue.
See, now, to me that’s a selling point. Match it up with the Turd Twister and you’ve got hours of fun for any nine-year-old!
He continues:
After reading that quote, I somehow started thinking about William Burroughs and Mugwumps and I saw visions the Shamrock shake being milked from O’grimacey’s numerous teats, hidden in the folds of his enormous green blubber. And I just about lost my shake.
But there are other viewpoints, including this rather sad campaigner for “The Right To Shamrock.” If you are so inclined, you can report your Shamrock Shake Sighting on this site.
And now, on behalf of my Celtic gene pool, I would like to apologize to everyone for the very existence of this sludgy, green heresy. It is, shockingly, not even made with real shamrocks! Actually, if I have found that if you cut a Shamrock Shake 50/50 with Bushmills the first one may taste nasty, but the second through fifteenth are quite pleasant.
From what I can remember.
March 17th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
There’s no reason a Shamrock shake shouldn’t taste good. It should taste like mint-chocolate chip or something, right?
March 17th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
It used to taste like a minty fluoride treatment, with clotted cream added. Not that I used to be totally addicted or anything.
Did you see Letterman the time he had the new Japanese head of McDonalds on and asked the guy “so, is there really any dairy in the shakes?” and the guy, who didn’t speak English that well and was quite defensive besides, immediately and vehemently denied such a thing! I still believe him.