Looks like Ronald there is getting a little testy. What could possibly be the problem? Well, we all get a little defensive when we present something to our guests which we feel is a classic and they feel is a horrific Cthulhoid chemical morass, reminiscent of all the worst parts of the Seventies: Love Canal, Disco, the leisure suit, Farrah Fawcett’s acting, terrible hairdos, the Pacer, Watergate.

The Shamrock Shake.

I headed over to the local McDonalds and ordered one up. The employees gathered to stare at me the way people do when I ask for my tacos extra spicy or I’m about to eat something like pig’s ears. I heard one of the employees mumble to the other, “Did you taste it?” It is just as hideous as I remembered. It is like a blank milkshake that tastes like nothing. You think vanilla is “nothing” but it is surreal when you realize how powerful vanilla is, and how bad “nothing” really is…

There were no signs advertising the shakes, and it wasn’t even on the menu. Not even the drive-thru menu. It’s like their dirty little secret. The only good thing I can report is that they have really tuned down the use of food coloring. In the 70s they put so much food coloring in the Shamrock shake, it was known for turning children’s poo bright blue.

See, now, to me that’s a selling point. Match it up with the Turd Twister and you’ve got hours of fun for any nine-year-old!

He continues:

After reading that quote, I somehow started thinking about William Burroughs and Mugwumps and I saw visions the Shamrock shake being milked from O’grimacey’s numerous teats, hidden in the folds of his enormous green blubber. And I just about lost my shake.

But there are other viewpoints, including this rather sad campaigner for “The Right To Shamrock.” If you are so inclined, you can report your Shamrock Shake Sighting on this site.

And now, on behalf of my Celtic gene pool, I would like to apologize to everyone for the very existence of this sludgy, green heresy. It is, shockingly, not even made with real shamrocks! Actually, if I have found that if you cut a Shamrock Shake 50/50 with Bushmills the first one may taste nasty, but the second through fifteenth are quite pleasant.

From what I can remember.

Another great way to “go green” is to give your child toys that are made out of non-toxic materials.  With all the toy recalls, it is becoming tougher than ever to try and figure out which toys are safe for your child.   I’m here to give you some toys you can feel good about, because wondering if a toy could possibly harm your child should never be an issue that a parent has to deal with.

Plan Toys Forklift & Doll

All Plan Toys are safe and environmentally friendly.  Their wood toys are made out of recycled rubber trees and their paint colors meet all international standards.  (Read: Euro standards which are more stringent than US standards.  Now why is that, anyway?)

Plan Dancing Alligator Pull Toy

Makes a very fun clickety-clack sound, and kids are fascinated with the way the alligator moves.

Melissa and Doug Cutting Food Box

Kids love playing with pretend food.  Even better? Being able to “cut” the pretend food! All Melissa and Doug toys are made with non-toxic paint and wood.

Melissa and Doug See and Spell

Great for beginning spellers, this toy helps them to learn their letters in both tactile and visual ways.

HABA Flapsi Clutch Toy

German-made HABA toys are coated with non-toxic laquer.  This toy makes a clicking sound that will entertain your baby, and is safe for them to gum.

Melissa and Doug Deluxe Stamp Kit

Your kids can make hundreds of different designs using the washable, non-toxic ink pads. 

A Day at the Zoo by ImagiPlay

Made from renewable, sustainable materials, this cute zoo set meets all international safety standards. 

Melissa and Doug Band in a Box

Is it loud?  Does it make a huge racket?  Of course it does! That’s why kids adore musical instruments.  This set has a set of cymbals, which is sure to please any young musician.  Just make sure you have some ear plugs handy.

Plan Toys Activity Bus

This bus opens up to become a classroom with chairs, figures, a blackboard, and books!

Melissa and Doug Deluxe Wooden Folding Princess Castle

Now I am all for unisex toys, but I have to say this looks freaking awesome.