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Trauma=Jackpot! | Teeny Manolo


Are you deeply, incurably traumatized by a childhood spanking that has left you perverted in bizarre, yet telegenic ways? Have you totally gotten over that antiquated “sense of shame” thing? Are you looking for an opportunity to vilify and mortify your parents in front of a national audience (who isn’t, really?)?

We’ve got just the opportunity for you!

And if you’re not the spankee but rather the spanker, there’s still hope. Just lie about the kid’s age on the application and follow the Dina Lohan parenting plan; your kids, no matter how youthful, will be looking Fabulously Fortysomething in no time!

Lindsay, 21 Lindsay, 21, Alli, 14. NOT KIDDING!

From Craigslist via Gawker:

National Television Morning Show Needs…..

Reply to: job-597438763 AT craigslist DOT org
Date: 2008-03-06, 12:00PM EST

A National Television Morning Show Needs….

We are looking for someone who was “spanked” as a child, and thinks that may be why you have sexual problems, please send your phone number, story and picture to: the_morning_show@hotmail.com.


3 Responses to “Trauma=Jackpot!”

  1. class-factotum March 9, 2008 at 3:54 pm #

    The only thing spanking ever did for me was teach me that if I created a work of art — no, a masterpeice! — on my bedroom wall with my 12-Crayola set (I never did get the 60-colors set), I would be required to wash it off.

    If not for that, I’d probably be Picasso today.

  2. Glinda March 10, 2008 at 6:06 pm #

    I’m wondering what type of “sexual problems” they are referring to.

  3. raincoaster March 10, 2008 at 8:02 pm #

    I am not sure but it’s hard to imagine Lindsay Lohan not having it, whatever “it” might be.