Last week’s poll where I asked if you would spend major moolah on Hannah Montana tickets for the tween in your life was met by a fairly resounding “No way!” from almost seventy percent. The ticket prices are fairly ridiculous, I think. Down with the free market! Uh, just kidding. Sort of.
Anyhoo, I want to know, did you watch the Academy Awards last night?
We’ve tried to be clear. We’ve tried to be polite. We’ve tried to be firm.
We have warned you.
And yet, some poor, deluded souls out there continue to insist on purchasing vile replicant homunculi modeled after the Grover-crushing, drug-smuggling, twitching, giggling, porn-starring megalomaniac known as Elmo.
What is it going to take before the madness ends, people? What taboos must this loathsome imp shatter in his writhing orgy of unslakeable ravening before you say No. No, it has gone too far.
Death Threat Elmo, perhaps?
A cuddly, programmable Elmo doll revealed its dark side to a Lithia family yesterday after fresh batteries were installed.
Instead of singing songs or reciting the favorite color of its 2-year-old owner James Bowman, the doll started making death threats.
With a squeeze of its fuzzy belly, the Sesame Street character now says, in a sing-song voice, “Kill James.”
Exchange it! you say. Take it back! you say. Reverse the polarity! you say. But no, there is no amount of abuse that the public will not accept as long as it comes wrapped in a fuzzy red package. James loves it. James wants to keep it. James must be a very special child.
…the malfunctioning, death-threat-spouting Elmo Knows Your Name doll is now being kept away from her son, Bowman said.
“This is his absolute favorite toy,” she said. “So we’ve been going through a lot of hassle because he’s trying to climb up the counter and up the closets to get it.”
The family plans to return the doll, but a fat lot of good that will do.
Kid, Elmo doesn’t just Know Your Name, he Knows Where You Live.
We have spoken here on Teeny Manolo about moms and their sometimes unfortunate fashion choices, which are often dictated by how much sleep was obtained the night before. However, these TV moms have no excuse whatsoever.
This outfit may have been fine for nursing Pebbles, but vacuuming might be a disaster in this saucy little number.
Even though Mrs. Ingalls was not a prude, the only time she literally got to let her hair down was at night. Covered from head to toe, and (chant it with me) that bonnet has got to go!
So many people blame poor June Cleaver for exemplifying a generation of housewife repression and perfection. But look at how snazzy she looks in the kitchen, pearls and all! Cooking pancakes just doesn’t deserve that kind of attention to detail, though.
To see the rest…
Ladies and gentlemen, there is genius and then there is Genius.
Einstein. Descartes. Plato. Albert Martin.
The great-grandfather from Benfleet in the UK has invented perhaps the greatest shopping-related accessory in the history of forever; shopping bag suspenders.
“When you carry plastic bags your fingers go numb, you keep moving the bags to different fingers but eventually you drop your bags and lose all your shopping.
“I decided I would make a harness with two hooks to hang your bags on instead. I find it comfortable to carry two bags on each side.
“There’s a strap over your shoulders with a hook on either end to carry your shopping and a strap across the back to stop you losing your bags if you lean forward…”
Mr Martin said: “We made it in the garage. My wife got her sewing machine out and away we went…
“You can carry your shopping and wipe your nose, eat fish and chips or talk on the phone at the same time.”It’s great for mums holding their children’s hands - you could even hold a baby at the same time as carrying your shopping.”
Mr Martin is so confident in his invention that he’s obtained a patent and conservatively estimates that he will make his first million before his 90th birthday. And we at TeenyManolo can only applaud and say: where do we place an order? In typical fashion, it looks like the celebrities have already got their orders in advance:
In honor of the new Manolo Moda, I am highlighting a Latina designer, Paulina Quintana.
Born in Chile during the regime of dictator Augusto Pinochet, her family was persecuted by Pinochet’s government and Amnesty International brought them out of exile to establish their lives in America.
Paulina graduated with a degree in Art from UCLA, and designing children’s clothes was not her original career goal. But she began a line, and with their bright colors and contemporary graphics, her clothes eventually caught the eye of Barney’s and since then she has become a noted designer. Quintana insists on paying her workers a living wage in non-sweatshop conditions and runs her business in an environmentally conscious manner.
I really like Quintana’s clothing. She really tries to do different things with color and designs. I appreciate that she is not afraid of color, because we all know that colors are a mom’s best friend when it comes to doing laundry.
The rules are simple: No blocking. No wimping. Captions in the comments. Pistols at dawn. Winner announced Monday, provided I have sufficiently recovered from the Northern Voice blogging conference.
By Marko Rantanen, stolen from DarkRoastedBlend
The utterly fabulous Mrs. Hall asks:
Dear Glinda:
I was wondering if you had any tips for dark under eye circles. Mine are hereditary, i.e. not caused by lack of sleep. Although, I have a five year old daughter, a 14 month old son and a husband in Iraq. So, they are darker and more zombie like than usual.
Do you have any suggestions for some nice concealer?
Thank you for any suggestion you might have with my zombie problem,
Mrs. Hall
Ayyyyy! The Glinda knows exactly what the Mrs. Hall is describing, as she is the sufferer of the hereditary dark circles as well! The Glinda had become very used to people asking her if she had allergies, or if she had gotten enough sleep, or needed a cure for her hangover, or any other half-dozen bordering upon rude comments. The Glinda merely brushed them away like the annoying flies that they were. She hoped, though, that one day she would discover the product that would help her.
After many years of searching for the perfect under-eye concealer, she has found it!
The major trick to the correcting of the under eye circles is to resist the temptation to overcompensate. Often, instead of looking like the zombie, an even more jarring look is produced with colors that are too light. This produces the unfortunate result of looking like the squirrel instead.
So what is this miracle product? Look no further than Bare Escentuals. The Glinda has good news and bad news about this. The bad news is that these products are not cheap. But the good news is that they are not horridly expensive, either. Only mildly expensive. More than worth skipping four lattes or so to have perfect looking skin, however.
You can simply dip your toe into the shallow end of Bare Escentuals and purchase only their concealer. The Glinda herself uses Summer Bisque. This is an excellent all-around concealer that is applied with a brush, preferably one like this. To those that are concerned with looking overly powdery or that it will settle into lines and creases, the Glinda will assure them not to worry.
Or, if jumping into the deep end of the pool is more your style, you can purchase an entire starter kit, which comes in more shades than the one that is linked. It also includes brushes, a lotion, and multiple powders for your entire face. The kits do not include any of the concealers, which is the Glinda’s one complaint.
The powders come in many different shades, for women of all colors. They are much more forgiving than liquids, which are harder to blend and often look like, well, like you have makeup on. The powders appear fresher and more natural than any liquid could ever hope to look. The Glinda has tried more than her fair share of foundations and concealers, including custom-blended ones, and Bare Escentuals is the hands-down winner.
The Glinda will be honest, the initial mucking about with pots of powders and different brushes can be a bit overwhelming when one is used to simply pouring some liquid out of a bottle and smearing it on. After a while though, it becomes routine. The Glinda is of the humble opinion that having a flawless face to present to the world is a key element for being superfantastic!
And, the Glinda would also like to wish your husband a safe and speedy return home.
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
It’s true. We’ve found video footage of the terrible cataclysm on everyone’s favorite street when a certain unwitting innocent introduces the deadly Bird Flu virus. It’s the dark side of the street, that’s for sure.
I’ve got the scoop on some of the hottest new toys coming out in the next few months. These toys made their debut to sellers just this week at the annual Toy Fair held in New York.
These the ones you will be tripping over and cursing at as you make your way across the floor in the middle of the night. Chances are, if your kids are in the right age brackets, you will own at least one of these.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Nobody loves them some Ugly Betty as much as me, but these incarnations from Madame Alexander just don’t seem to be capturing that certain je ne sais qoi Betty has. Or is it just me?
This is a Hannah Montana wig, although I don’t know why you couldn’t just raid grandma’s closet for one of her old wigs. Or you could ask to borrow one from your local cabaret performer. It would probably be a heck of a lot cheaper.
Hulk Smash Hands! Because nothing excites boys quite as much as sanctioned ways to beat each other up. Apparently these have some very cool sound effects to mask any sounds of pain.
Of the bazillion different editions Monopoly comes in, this looks to be one of the cooler ones.
Taters of the Lost Ark (!) Mr. Potato Head. That exclamation mark is totally mine, because the marketing team behind the name was clearly under the influence of something during the pitch. I have to admit it’s kind of awesome, though.
A for-real charity donation box from Vietnam. Photo by Mullenkedheim on Flickr via Neatorama. Only question is, do your donations go to support especially difficult children, or to fight them?
