Lazy Parenting Award: Part Deux
By Glinda
Watch out parents, I’m all over you like white on rice once again!
Do you have a blind spot a mile wide when it comes to how your child behaves in public? Would you rather continue your ever so important cell-phone conversation than stop your precious darling from running around the restaurant, leaving a trail of crackers as they go? Have you become completely oblivious to the glares directed your way as once again, your child cuts in line at the play park?
Then you my friend, are the proud recipient of the Lazy Parenting AwardTM! You are running neck-and-neck for the lead in an unpopularity contest with Donald Trump.
Seriously, we are not simply planets who have the misfortune to revolve around the sun you perceive your offspring to be.
In public, discipline should be swift, stealthy, and meaningful. If they don’t think you mean it, they aren’t going to stop the behavior. Weak pleas of “Darby Dayton the Third, stop it or you are in trouble” mean nothing if not backed up with a plan of action.
That means if they are in the grocery cart and grabbing things off the shelf even though you have instructed them calmly to stop, and any further instruction results in screeching at the top of their lungs, then you just as calmly have to get them out of the cart and take them out to the car for a time out.
I urge you, go at lesat that extra half-mile! The people around you will thank you. I promise.
February 15th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I get a lot of comments on how well my son behaves in public. While he’s pretty good, he’s certainly not perfect and we have lots of two year old moments while we’re out. I guess I’m just gratified when people do compliment me and then I wonder how bad the last kid in the store was!
On a related note, my girlfriends and I were at the park the other day talking about (mildly) disciplining each others kids. While we are all on the same page with each other (we’re more than comfortable telling any small child in our playground “No” or “That’s not safe” and call mom for bigger stuff) it would be an interesting post if you have the time. How do you feel about your close mom friends disciplining your kids? To what degree? Have you run into parents that feel really differently?
February 15th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I’m with you – there’s no excuse for letting your child go bananas in public. My kids are actually pretty good (as a general rule) in public, but we don’t go out to eat often because that’s when we see the worst (in public) behavior (plus it’s expensive, and we get them food just to have them pick at it). They don’t concentrate on their food like we do and well….last time we went my husband took our boys out to the car while I took care of the bill. We try to be very conscious while others are eating. We will totally ask for a to-go box and the bill while the other loads them up if needed. It’s not worth sacrificing our sanity, nor worth ruining someone else’s meal. Of course, we always take them to kid-friendly restaurants too – we save the good adult meals for the rare occasion when it’s just my husband and I on a “date”.
I’m lucky with my kids in the grocery store. Of course, I have learned that you can only be in there so long, and you MUST have a shopping agenda and stick with it. I’ve been in the position where my kids are about to start up, but luckily I am getting in line at that point. I have cut a trip short – to just essentials – if I’ve had to do so; normally I don’t have to do this, though. I also don’t hit more than one store, or at most say, two stores if it’s just small errands.
February 15th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Ohhhhhhh, man. I’m with you on this one.
While waiting in line at a museum, the girl in front of us was yelling at her mom and pushing her and telling her that she didn’t like her or the stupid museum, etc. The mom then said to the girl in a weak voice, “Don’t be surprised if I put you in time out later!” And I said to the man behind me, “Well, I’D be surprised.”
February 16th, 2008 at 4:04 am
Oh my god, working retail you see the WORST behaved children. Parents in my store hardly ever seen to discipline their children. There was a kid in the mall, just outside our store today just screaming and her mom is on her freaking cellphone ignoring her. The rare times they do you just want to applaud them or give them a prize or something. There was a little girl with her dad in the other day and she was whining because she wanted her candy right then and he actually told her she had to wait. Then she had to apologize, and not just a half-hearted “sorry,” she had to actually say what she was apologizing for. It’s sad that I’m so amazed by such a simple thing, really sad.
February 16th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Eilish, that sounds like an Ask TeenyManolo post topic to me.
February 16th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I wonder how those children act at home during dinner? Both of my sister’s kids had to behave and be polite at the dinner table before going to any restaurant. (Mum had the same rule for us). This included fast food and kid friendly places. Meals were always together, and always somewhat formal whether breakfast, lunch, or supper. Napkins, silverware, and plates. If they couldn’t behave, they went to their rooms. So by the time they went to a restaurant, they already had manners. The reward was dessert but if any one misbehaved, then no one got dessert. That meant the kids refrained from teasing each other and would actually help if one of the others started getting cranky… As for shopping, Emily has it right. No longer than the kids can bear (tired=cranky and acting up) and always with a reward when they got home, (tiny things, special desert for dinner, dollars store toy, special book at bedtime) but NEVER at the store (invites kids to act up if they can’t get the toy they want) This isn’t to say there was never a melt down but they were handled depending on the occasion. They were all better behaved as tots than as teenagers, but that’s another story…
February 16th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I was at a restaurant last night, and we were surrounded by lots of kids. I like kids on principle, want to have my own some day, but I’m sick of the way that so many parents are so lame about public discipline. One kid yelled (not upset and screaming, but just seeing how loud he could be, I think) all through his family’s order, another was running around with his caretaker (seemed uncomfortable enough not to be the mom, but I dunno) lamely following behind, and then a table right behind us had two kids that were running around barefoot, running into waiters, screaming, etc. The mom was trying to corral the littlest, and as soon as she turned her back, he was off again. She turned around, snapped her fingers and pointed at her feet like she was trying to call a dog to heel, and said, “I’m serious this time!” No response… what, mom telling you to obey isn’t always serious?
February 16th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I worked at Macy’s last Christmas and was appalled to see how many mothers would bring their little kids to the store at 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. on a school night. No wonder the kids were cranky and ill behaved — it was way past what should have been their bedtime. People, it’s just not that important to hit the Ralph Lauren sale.
February 17th, 2008 at 12:08 am
@ Jennie, that’s excellent advice. John Molloy, the Dress for Success guy, did a study and he said that one of the best things you can do to help your child develop a robust social life is have a very formal dinner once a week; if they learn to cope with that, no dinner situation will rattle them. And of course Miss Manners is right with you. I have a friend who’s Chinese and his parents would not take him to dinner in a restaurant until he could pick up marbles with chopsticks. That made it a goal to reach, like getting a badge in Cubs or somenthing, and cemented the idea that not just any kid deserved to go out to a real restaurant for dinner.
@ class-factotum: You’re dead right. It’s simply bad parenting to haul your kids around at that hour. If the sale’s that good, it’ll pay for the babysitter. If it’s not, then why bother?