Parenting Code Violation Alert!
By Glinda
Oh Matthew, you’ve gone and done it now.
As it is stated in Section 2, Article 13 of the Parenting Code:
Thou shalt never attempt to predict the personality of thy child, for thou doomest thyself to have a child who is exactly the opposite.
Or something along those lines, anyway.
Want a little girl to dress up in tutus and tights? She’ll be a tomboy. Or better yet, a boy.
Long for a little boy who is a whiz at math? For sure he’ll be drawn to the arts.
I mean, I guess you could try to pull a fast one on Fate and just envision the opposite of what you want. Because Fate just might be fooled by reverse psychology. It’s worth a shot, anyway.
But back to Matthew. As quoted in People magazine:
The often shirtless McConaughey made note that the apple won’t fall far from the tree: “Make no doubt about it. My kid will dance. He will be on the beach and he will be taking hikes with a wild bandana on.”
I almost feel bad for him, because now he has practically gauranteed that his child will be a homebody more interested in the latest computer games than hiking in the woods. The child will roll their eyes when Dad entreats them to spend another day on the beach practicing the bongo drums. Sigh, Dad just cannot get with it, the child will think as Dad yet again flexes his six-pack at them to inspire them to work out. Embarassing!
But hey, nothing says the child can’t wear an awesome bandana whilst playing the latest version of Super Mario Galaxy.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:59 am
Poor kid. His dad is already such a doofus. I have to agree with MM’s mom, who, upon learning the news, asked immediately, “Are you getting married?” MM pretty much rolled his eyes and said, “Mooooooom!” Right. Because although he’s willing to have a child with this woman, he’s Not Ready To Commit. How could she ask him such a stupid question?
He’s going to be a great father.
February 1st, 2008 at 10:57 am
Ah, the parenting code. Every parent should ponder it ahead of time, but mostly we learn it from experience, much as we learn the finer points of the traffic code.
MM will shortly learn that, although The Mother’s Curse guarantees we will have a child just like ourselves, it means that child will have the attributes that will most drive us nuts, not the ones we like best. (Section 3 Article 4.6; see also Section 16) Or The Curse could bounce to the next child, leaving MM with a son who’s a computer wonk, and a daughter who likes to dance on the beach in a wild bandanna.
But, MM, it may not be too late for you to learn this oft-ignored but perilous point: That which you announce your child will NEVER do, your child will most assuredly do. If you announce it publicly, your child will do it worse than anyone else’s child. Ever. (See Section 2 Article 15.)
You have been warned.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I bet he already plays Super Mario Galaxy. I do – it’s awesome!
February 1st, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Is it bad that I couldn’t read a single word you wrote – I kept staring at his chest?
Sorry…
February 1st, 2008 at 9:53 pm
How thoughtless; how very, very Hollywood. Wild bandanas are endangered and the few in captivity have been unable to breed successfully.