They’ll Get a REACTION, All Right
By GlindaHave you ever been indecisive about buying a pair of shoes for your child? Have you ever stared at them and thought to yourself, if only they had a great name, I would purchase these in a heartbeat!
I didn’t think so.
But apparently the marketing gurus at Kenneth Cole REACTION (uh, their caps, not mine) are under the impression that a saccharinely cute name will distinguish them from the rest of the pack.
Unfortunately, the word “distinguish” can be open to interpretation.
Whip ’N SkipFor those parents who want to give their children early exposure to, er, alternative occupations. No horizon is too broad for Kenneth Cole!
A Faze ing 2 Dress ShoeI’m not sure exactly what they were going for with this one. A word play on “amazing?” But why doesn’t it make an ounce of sense? And you lose me whenever you pretend u r 2 kewl to spell correctly.
Yum n Yummer SandalHow did they know? How did they know that making a not-so-sly reference to a horrible Jim Carrey movie would make me want to get these? Bonus points for making up a word that doesn’t exist in the English language!
Blink of a Pie CanvasKenneth Cole, I’m beginning to think that your marketing department is harboring some sort of grudge against you. Sending down a couple of pizzas now and then couldn’t hurt.
Ace of BraidsSounds like this one was made up after one too many losses at the poker table. It seems the bitterness didn’t stay in Vegas like it was supposed to.
And just to show that the girls have no monopoly on the dubious names, I present:
Hima LionSeriously, these people have no shame. Even if it came with my own personal Sherpa, I wouldn’t get these because the name is just that bad.
I think there are some 6th graders who can come up with names that are just as good, if not better than the ones here. I bet they’ll work a heck of a lot cheaper, too.
January 8th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Dear Kenneth Cole REACTION (and boy, did you get one) marketing wonk:
Please go home, have a decent meal and a good night’s sleep, and then set about renaming these shoes.
May I suggest the names of your favorite toddlers, until you recover your equilibrium? For example, I can rename all those shoes “Emily,” “Abbie,” “Camryn,” “Lanie,” “Elizabeth,” and “Brady” in about two minutes. If such pedestrian names stick in your creative craw, you could explore literary names, which would give you a good excuse to spend the morning at Barnes & Noble, or at least Amazon.
But these very bad puns are not going to win you friends in the children’s shoe department. Instead, they will steer the mummies to StrideRite, just so they won’t have to say, “Oh, the Whip n Skip? Let me see if we have it in Daisy’s size.”
January 8th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
You know, I’ll never understand why little girls’ shoes have heels on them. When I was little, in the early 80’s, none of my dress shoes had heels. Now, you’d be hard pressed to find a simple, flat, classic mary jane. The only dress shoes without heels look like weird, Earth shoe/orthopedic things. Ridiculous.
January 8th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Yes! Caitlin, I totally agree. Where have all the good shoes gone? I want stylish, yet flat-soled, shoes for my little girl and it seems they are completely vanquished for kids 12 months and up. I dont think someone who is barely used to walking should have to contend with big, heavy clodhoppers.
January 8th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Based on those names, I suspect that the “creative” department had a few blunts before penning these catchy phrases…”Dude! Ya know like instead of Ace of Base how bout Ace of BRAIDS! Dude! HeHe He He…….And Dude like right now if I blink I see…. Oh! Dude lets get some pie…”
January 8th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Never mind the names: those first two pairs got hit with the ugly stick!