An Open Letter to My Mother-In-Law
By GlindaDearest Mother-in-Law,
We have had our rocky times to be sure. Remember when you got angry with me when I didn’t greet you properly, and forbid me to enter your house until I apologized? Or all those times when you blamed me for “controlling” your son even though he is a grown man with, the last time I checked, a functional mind of his own?
But still, I thought we had that rather intense conversation not too long ago and worked things out to everyone’s mutual satisfaction.
That is, until my son opened this ever-so-thoughtful Christmas gift from you:
Yes, this is the deluxe Transformers Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet. It can make even a sweet five year old boy’s voice sound like a demonic cross between Darth Vader, a lifelong chain-smoker, and a pissed-off Stephen Hawking. All at decibel levels comparable to a vacuum cleaner. Or light engine plane. Depending.
In the short time this delightful device from hell has been here, I have been jumped out at while carrying full baskets of laundry, washing the dishes, drinking my tea, and pretty much any other activity I do in a normal day. I haven’t taken it away yet because I am just waiting for the novelty to wear off, and it gives the Munchkin much joy to torment me.
However, if it continues to be his favorite toy, I will have you to thank for the eventual erosion of my hearing capacity. Not to mention a few more gray hairs and elevated blood pressure.
Which I am sure was never your intent.
I will give it a month. And if by the end of said month the toy is utilized more than three times a week, I will profess complete innocence as to how the irreparable damage of the voice changer mechanism occurred.
With my fingers crossed behind my back,
Glinda
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:42 am
Hee, hee, sounds like it’s time for an extended visit to Grandma’s for the lad and his favorite toy!
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:27 am
We had a rule at our house…if the toy was obnoxious enough, it stayed at the giver’s house for playtimes when visiting there. Which is why my father is now the owner of an electric drum pad…oy.
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Got my granddaughter a piano (baby sized) for christmas & I don’t feel at all guilty. You see, there was this one Saturday morning after my son got his first musical instrument, when I uttered the now famous words “NO TUBA PLAYING IN THIS HOUSE BEFORE 9 O’CLOCK ON THE WEEKENDS!!!” Paybacks are indeed a bitch
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
Aaaah, I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has had to sit through intense emotional discussions with my MIL. For me, it always seems worked-out until a few hours later when I rethink and realize what she might ACTUALLY have meant by this or that.
Either way, I feel your pain. My husband’s father presented our little one this year with a “My First Harley.” A motorcycle that she (yes, SHE) can sit on and push herself around the house on. Comes complete with squacking cell phone, to reinforce all the rules of the road he is so fond of ignoring.
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I want one!
January 3rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I feel your pain. Our annoying toy was given to us by my own parents. I hate Tickle Me Elmo with a passion. I am pondering giving him a batteryectomy before too long.
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
For your sanity’s sake, I sure hope the novelty wears off really, really soon!!
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I would love to listen to a sound bite on that one, LOL. (Just kidding, I can actually imagine it!). So anyway, I think it’s time to invite MIL over to your house for a whole day of babysitting. And don’t forget to hide ever other toy he owns.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:05 pm
A piece of Scotch tape over the speaker holes will dampen the noise a tad. With appropriate luck, the child will still find the toy satisfyingly obnoxious, and the parents will retain a particle of hearing.
January 5th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
So Glinda, these next you visit the dear woman, I think you should let him play with this at her house and give her a dose of her own medicine. ;o)
January 5th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
So Glinda, the next you visit the dear woman, I think you should let him play with this at her house and give her a dose of her own medicine. ;o)