January 3, 2008 | Teeny Manolo



Archive for January 3rd, 2008


Friends, Womans, Country Fans, Lend Me Your Ears

Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
By raincoaster

It doesn’t actually have anything to do with country music, I just needed the beats; fans of the early Baroque period should feel equally comfortable reading this post! We are all non-partisan-and-equal-opportunity-like around these parts, as long as you don’t expect me to actually LISTEN to Garth Brooks.

You wouldn’t make me, would you?

I thought not. And so to today’s per diem topic du jour for today.

Ears.

Specifically:

Ears on hats.

Violet Affleck and her famous hat

Now, if you follow as many celebrity blogs as I do (and why would you? I get paid for it) you’ll probably know that this is just about the most famous hat in the world right now, and the Garner-Afflecks could probably comfortably retire on their earnings, should they open up a website devoted to selling said chapeaux.

Now, we luv us some hats, we do around these parts. Particularly the parts that are apt to get cold in the wintertime or hot and burnt in the summertime, and particularly on the wee ones. It is our advice (we use, you understand, the royal “we”, as we understand the royal family aren’t using it right now and we want it to feel valued) it is, we say, our advice, to accustom the little ones to the wearing of hats as early and as often as possible.

There are several reasons for this.

One: so their little heads don’t sunburn/freeze, depending on whether you’re in Belize or Boston, Aruba or Aspen.

Two: because sunscreen makes a mess of baby hair and hoods invariably fall down and cover their eyes and they think someone’s blindfolded them for some malicious kidnapping purpose or something and, naturally, begin squalling.

Three: they learn how to untie those strings, velcro and buttons sooner than you’d think and then you’ll have a fight on your hands, if they’re not already accustomed to wearing the darn things.

Four: Ears. Ears on hats. Check it out:

on big people:

Ears on hats. Bad idea.
Bad idea.

However;

on little people:

Violet Affleck in yet another ear hat

Try it for yourself:

baby bear hat


An Open Letter to My Mother-In-Law

Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
By Glinda

Dearest Mother-in-Law,

We have had our rocky times to be sure.  Remember when you got angry with me when I didn’t greet you properly, and forbid me to enter your house until I apologized?  Or all those times when you blamed me for “controlling” your son even though he is a grown man with, the last time I checked, a functional mind of his own?

But still, I thought we had that rather intense conversation not too long ago and worked things out to everyone’s mutual satisfaction.

That is, until my son opened this ever-so-thoughtful Christmas gift from you:

Save Me!

Yes, this is the deluxe Transformers Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet.   It can make even a sweet five year old boy’s voice sound like a demonic cross between Darth Vader, a lifelong chain-smoker, and a pissed-off Stephen Hawking.  All at decibel levels comparable to a vacuum cleaner.  Or light engine plane.  Depending. 

In the short time this delightful device from hell has been here, I have been jumped out at while carrying full baskets of laundry, washing the dishes, drinking my tea, and pretty much any other activity I do in a normal day.  I haven’t taken it away yet because I am just waiting for the novelty to wear off, and it gives the Munchkin much joy to torment me.  

However, if it continues to be his favorite toy, I will have you to thank for the eventual erosion of my hearing capacity.  Not to mention a few more gray hairs and elevated blood pressure.

Which I am sure was never your intent. 

I will give it a month.  And if by the end of said month the toy is utilized more than three times a week, I will profess complete innocence as to how the irreparable damage of the voice changer mechanism occurred.

With my fingers crossed behind my back,

Glinda 









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