Comments on: Return Policy: adoption gone wrong http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/ Celebrating the Joys of Parenting and Childhood Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:12:10 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: Shana http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-35250 Shana Sun, 21 Dec 2008 09:57:02 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-35250 All I can say is that it may have been a blessing for all parties involved. We adopted one of our foster children and gave her everything. We paid for the best education have loving family. Too make a long story short, she got involved in abusive relationship and is not allowed any contact with us. She has 3 kids and a lazy, control freak boyfriend. The boyfriend comes from a real low life family that even his mother had the nerve to call us and ask for items and money. Its been almost 5 years that she has been involved with this idiot and we have all given up on her. When she finally waked up or he leaves her for someone else then she will have no one. She has truly disappointed everyone and hurt everyone who ever loved her. All I can say is that it may have been a blessing for all parties involved. We adopted one of our foster children and gave her everything. We paid for the best education have loving family. Too make a long story short, she got involved in abusive relationship and is not allowed any contact with us. She has 3 kids and a lazy, control freak boyfriend. The boyfriend comes from a real low life family that even his mother had the nerve to call us and ask for items and money. Its been almost 5 years that she has been involved with this idiot and we have all given up on her. When she finally waked up or he leaves her for someone else then she will have no one. She has truly disappointed everyone and hurt everyone who ever loved her.

]]> By: troy http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-6928 troy Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:08:01 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-6928 everyone is aware of the type of people that the couple is. my question is what happened to jade? everyone is aware of the type of people that the couple is. my question is what happened to jade?

]]> By: raincoaster http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3509 raincoaster Tue, 18 Dec 2007 07:33:38 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3509 <p>I respect your kindness and your generosity towards these people. I hope that you understand that, until an independent source comes forward to corroborate the parents' version, I will continue to have my doubts about them. The spokesman for the Dutch embassy in fact reports to the father of the family in question, so I do not count that as independent; not at all. I want to hear from the adoption agency. The nannies were not some fly-by-nights, but the day-to-day caregivers in the child's home, where they, also, lived. Their claims cannot be dismissed out of hand.</p> <p>Whatever the case, it is clear to all involved and all watching internationally that it is a terribly emotional issue, and that Jade herself has a lot of support around the world, should it happen that she's adopted by another family.</p> I respect your kindness and your generosity towards these people. I hope that you understand that, until an independent source comes forward to corroborate the parents’ version, I will continue to have my doubts about them. The spokesman for the Dutch embassy in fact reports to the father of the family in question, so I do not count that as independent; not at all. I want to hear from the adoption agency. The nannies were not some fly-by-nights, but the day-to-day caregivers in the child’s home, where they, also, lived. Their claims cannot be dismissed out of hand.

Whatever the case, it is clear to all involved and all watching internationally that it is a terribly emotional issue, and that Jade herself has a lot of support around the world, should it happen that she’s adopted by another family.

]]> By: E http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3501 E Tue, 18 Dec 2007 02:50:56 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3501 We should try to give these folks, which we don't know, some good faith. Yes, parents have to take care of their children, but there are times when it is impossible, when even the best parents have to give up. That the child is adopted matters absolutely not. It can happen for a variety of reasons. We do not know exactly what motivated the parents, beside "integration problems". That could be anything, good or bad. Nobody'd give up a child because of her being a fussy eater, that's ridiculous. There must be deeper reasons, much deeper, but the family's wishes to keep silent about them are to be respected and understood. These problems have certainly spanned over a long period of time and the doctors thought that they were very severe too. It's not the family that says that doctors were consulted, but the spokeman for the Dutch ambassy! If that's hearsay, then everything in this story is hearsay (which is, incidently, my point). As for the nannys, yes they saw her, but that was years ago. I have worked and lived with troubled children long enough to know that it's much different to be with them for short spans of time and actually living with them. I'm not saying that that young girl has issues, but there's no way to know what's going on, beside stating the obvious: the parents had deeper reasons, albeit unkown, for giving her up. I'm saddened for this poor girl and hope her life will get better, but I will not participate in parent-bashing. We should try to give these folks, which we don’t know, some good faith. Yes, parents have to take care of their children, but there are times when it is impossible, when even the best parents have to give up. That the child is adopted matters absolutely not. It can happen for a variety of reasons. We do not know exactly what motivated the parents, beside “integration problems”. That could be anything, good or bad. Nobody’d give up a child because of her being a fussy eater, that’s ridiculous. There must be deeper reasons, much deeper, but the family’s wishes to keep silent about them are to be respected and understood. These problems have certainly spanned over a long period of time and the doctors thought that they were very severe too. It’s not the family that says that doctors were consulted, but the spokeman for the Dutch ambassy! If that’s hearsay, then everything in this story is hearsay (which is, incidently, my point). As for the nannys, yes they saw her, but that was years ago. I have worked and lived with troubled children long enough to know that it’s much different to be with them for short spans of time and actually living with them. I’m not saying that that young girl has issues, but there’s no way to know what’s going on, beside stating the obvious: the parents had deeper reasons, albeit unkown, for giving her up. I’m saddened for this poor girl and hope her life will get better, but I will not participate in parent-bashing.

]]> By: raincoaster http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3498 raincoaster Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:54:30 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3498 And their responsibilities to her are the same as their biological children, including not abandoning her. The rights of the child to security outrank pretty much any other consideration, wouldn't you say? The two caregivers responsible for her both said she was a normal little girl, but one went out of her way to say that she wasn't treated as a full member of the family. As for the expert opinions, I reserve judgment: I have seen no quotes directly from them, only the statements of the family that experts told them to do this. This is hearsay. People are judged by their actions; this is how the world works. I have no problem judging them based on what I have heard here. And their responsibilities to her are the same as their biological children, including not abandoning her. The rights of the child to security outrank pretty much any other consideration, wouldn’t you say?

The two caregivers responsible for her both said she was a normal little girl, but one went out of her way to say that she wasn’t treated as a full member of the family. As for the expert opinions, I reserve judgment: I have seen no quotes directly from them, only the statements of the family that experts told them to do this. This is hearsay.

People are judged by their actions; this is how the world works. I have no problem judging them based on what I have heard here.

]]> By: E http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3496 E Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:33:45 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3496 Raincoaster, I wouldn't say they really picked her, her being 4 month old at that time, they probably just asked to get a healthy baby. Well, so they didn't pick her much more than their biological children, now, wouldn't you agree? I'm objecting to the number of persons who are judging them based on probably biased, uncomplete data and feeling. Yes, it's sad, it's extremely sad, for the little kid and for the family. But the fact is, people who knew the situation well, professionals, not just random people reacting on feeling, have examined her case and judged that it was for the best if the family was to be broken apart. Raincoaster, I wouldn’t say they really picked her, her being 4 month old at that time, they probably just asked to get a healthy baby. Well, so they didn’t pick her much more than their biological children, now, wouldn’t you agree?

I’m objecting to the number of persons who are judging them based on probably biased, uncomplete data and feeling. Yes, it’s sad, it’s extremely sad, for the little kid and for the family. But the fact is, people who knew the situation well, professionals, not just random people reacting on feeling, have examined her case and judged that it was for the best if the family was to be broken apart.

]]> By: raincoaster http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3479 raincoaster Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:24:49 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3479 But the fact is, they DID pick her. And, whether or not it "works out" they had and have a responsibility to parent her, whether they like her or not. You don't just get to keep the ones you prefer when you're a parent. But the fact is, they DID pick her. And, whether or not it “works out” they had and have a responsibility to parent her, whether they like her or not. You don’t just get to keep the ones you prefer when you’re a parent.

]]> By: E http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3473 E Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:11:09 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3473 You people are way too quick to judge! I have met children, adopted and not adopted, who never got along with their family, sometimes to the point of needing to be separated from that family. It happens. You don't pick your children, they don't pick you. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. It can happen with very young children too, not just teens. Do you really think these parents did not try as best as they could? They tried, as best as everbody'd probably do, even you people. There are some times when its futile, when there's no more ressources. They were adviced seriously py professionals, doctors and social workers, to give her up and everybody is heartbroken, so it's a sound decision. Who are you people to judge them and condemn them, saying they should give up all their children, with whom they are happy, and even their jobs? For crying out loud! You people are way too quick to judge! I have met children, adopted and not adopted, who never got along with their family, sometimes to the point of needing to be separated from that family. It happens. You don’t pick your children, they don’t pick you. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work. It can happen with very young children too, not just teens. Do you really think these parents did not try as best as they could? They tried, as best as everbody’d probably do, even you people. There are some times when its futile, when there’s no more ressources. They were adviced seriously py professionals, doctors and social workers, to give her up and everybody is heartbroken, so it’s a sound decision. Who are you people to judge them and condemn them, saying they should give up all their children, with whom they are happy, and even their jobs? For crying out loud!

]]> By: raincoaster http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3386 raincoaster Sun, 16 Dec 2007 01:49:32 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3386 Excellent article in <a href="http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article3048747.ece" terget="_blank" rel="nofollow">the Times here</a>: <blockquote>Mr Poeteray, 55, said that when the family moved from Indonesia to Hong Kong three years ago, “medical specialists” said that Jade had “serious bonding problems”. They had embarked on family therapy, but without success. “To our great disappointment, things didn’t get better, they got worse, and the rest of the family began to suffer hugely from that,” he said. The couple have an older son, and a younger child born after Jade’s adoption. By the middle of last year they were being urged by doctors, social workers and the adoption agency, Mothers Choice, to place the child in temporary care, the diplomat said in an open letter to De Telegraaf. “Although the specialists now think it is not possible that Jade can be brought home, we continue to hope. We will do our best to find a solution allowing her to find happiness in her life,” he wrote. “This is a private matter, for which we as parents bear the responsibility . . . the publicity itself is already painful enough, but what’s worse is it doesn’t help us find a solution for our problems.” The Poeterays never applied for Dutch citizenship for Jade, but claim that this was an administrative oversight... The Dutch Foreign Ministry, embarrassed by the international fuss, has recalled the diplomat for consultations but is standing by him. Many Dutch bloggers, however, argue that he has committed an offence against natural justice and that he should resign from the diplomatic service. One blogger found a reference to a party that the Poeterays held in January 2005 in which one grateful guest thanked the diplomat, “his lovely wife Meta and young son Jamie”. There was no mention of Jade, suggesting that she was not fully accepted as a member of the family... Dutch newspapers tracked down a former babysitter yesterday who took care of Jade when she was a baby in Indonesia. She too was bemused by the fate of the little girl whom she remembers as a quiet but normal child. “I took care of her in the evenings, while an Indonesian woman was with her in the daytime,” she told De Telegraaf. “But Meta did not treat as her real daughter.” </blockquote> Excellent article in the Times here:

Mr Poeteray, 55, said that when the family moved from Indonesia to Hong Kong three years ago, “medical specialists” said that Jade had “serious bonding problems”.

They had embarked on family therapy, but without success. “To our great disappointment, things didn’t get better, they got worse, and the rest of the family began to suffer hugely from that,” he said. The couple have an older son, and a younger child born after Jade’s adoption.

By the middle of last year they were being urged by doctors, social workers and the adoption agency, Mothers Choice, to place the child in temporary care, the diplomat said in an open letter to De Telegraaf.

“Although the specialists now think it is not possible that Jade can be brought home, we continue to hope. We will do our best to find a solution allowing her to find happiness in her life,” he wrote. “This is a private matter, for which we as parents bear the responsibility . . . the publicity itself is already painful enough, but what’s worse is it doesn’t help us find a solution for our problems.”

The Poeterays never applied for Dutch citizenship for Jade, but claim that this was an administrative oversight…
The Dutch Foreign Ministry, embarrassed by the international fuss, has recalled the diplomat for consultations but is standing by him. Many Dutch bloggers, however, argue that he has committed an offence against natural justice and that he should resign from the diplomatic service.

One blogger found a reference to a party that the Poeterays held in January 2005 in which one grateful guest thanked the diplomat, “his lovely wife Meta and young son Jamie”. There was no mention of Jade, suggesting that she was not fully accepted as a member of the family…
Dutch newspapers tracked down a former babysitter yesterday who took care of Jade when she was a baby in Indonesia. She too was bemused by the fate of the little girl whom she remembers as a quiet but normal child. “I took care of her in the evenings, while an Indonesian woman was with her in the daytime,” she told De Telegraaf. “But Meta did not treat as her real daughter.”

]]> By: Andrea http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3373 Andrea Sat, 15 Dec 2007 17:53:52 +0000 http://teenymanolo.com/2007/12/13/return-policy-adoption-gone-wrong/#comment-3373 That is just wrong!!! I think this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Shame, shame, shame on them! That is just wrong!!! I think this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! Shame, shame, shame on them!

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