Ah, Christmas. The holiday season brings with it many delights, many gifts, and many, many opportunities to get back at the ones one loves.

I am reminded, at this holiday season, of a friend of mine who was once a new aunt. Delighted as she was to welcome her first niece into the world, she was naturally looking forward to choosing a lovely gift for the child, something just fabulous and indulgent enough to say “your auntie loves you, and she is doing very, very well.” That is, she was looking forward to it until she received the email from her sister-in-law spelling out in specific, brand-named detail, precisely what she was supposed to give the baby for Christmas.

She turned to me for advice.

The baby ended up with nothing on that list, but with a lovely layette, a sweet sweatsuit, and about 12 different percussive musical instruments, some of which made sounds that were equally as loud as they were obnoxious. The baby loved the gifts, the mother perhaps didn’t, but there you have it.

In any case, the above story has little enough to do with the below item; the sole point of commonality is that sometimes a gift is more than simply a token of affection: sometimes it’s a method of revenge, a comment on one’s upbringing, or a gentle hint that one needs to set one’s bar higher for the behavior of one’s beloved spawn.

We are not talking about the truly misguided gift, the one which bubbles up out of the cauldron of an overloaded, drink-sodden brain at midnight and should be just as quickly snuffed out. These gifts are known, in deference to Peg Bracken, who coined the term, as Let’s Give Grandma a Brace of Falcons gifts. These we shall discuss later, perhaps at length.

No. We are talking about the double-edged gift which simultaneously delights the recipient and delivers one’s pointed message to his/her parents.

We are talking about the Turd Twister.

Via Smoke & Mirrors

Order today, and we’ll send you our Turd Twister Kit. The Kit ships with our 10 most popular Turd Twisters. That’s 10 laugh-inspiring, dishwasher-safe Turd Twisters, and that’s just the beginning!

In addition, you’ll get the Amazing Manual called “How to Twist Your Turds”. This booklet, loaded with images explaining the art and science of Turd Twisting, will have everyone rolling on the floor laughing.

Gut-busting topics include:

• Dietary Concerns for Optimum Results
• Application Instructions for Maximum Comfort
• Twisted Knick Knacks for All Occasions
• Turd Twister Care and Maintenance
• Hilarious Anecdotes and Stories
• And much, much more! ( View Samples from Manual)

And as a bonus, by ordering online, we’ll throw in a Safe-T-Floss™ Retraction Cord. Incredibly useful if your Turd Twister gets stuck somewhere it shouldn’t be in the first place.

 

Truly, nothing says “you’ve raised a little troglodyte with neither sensitivity nor manners” like an affordable, non-toxic device which allows said droogie hours of fun shaping its bowel movements into various forms as they are produced. Sure to be a massive hit with the Rate My Poo crowd as well as those who consider Beavis and Butthead to be historic intellectuals along the lines of Socrates and Descartes, the Turd Twister is based along the familiar principles of the much-more-wholesome cookie press. Note the festive “Lucky Clover,” “Birthday” and “Christmas Tree” templates!

Can you say “Mommy and Me” matching gift set? I knew you could!

(Looking for the TeenyManolo Sweepstakes? Go here)

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 2nd, 2007 at 1:52 pm by raincoaster and is filed under Art, Baby Haters, Boys Will Be Boys, Bring the Fun, Christmas, Girls will be girls, Holidays, Shopping, That's Just Wrong, Toys. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.