Teeny Manolo

(Looking for the TeenyManolo Sweepstakes? Go here)

Say howdy to the Evil LED Gingerbread Man, just the thing for serving while watching The Nightmare Before Christmas or The Ref or the first three-quarters of The Grinch, or any of the other wholesome, joyful family flicks with which the season is rife. (surely, SURELY there’s an Addams Family Christmas movie? Or were they Jewish?)

This demented confection comes to us (via Craftzine and WeMakeMoneyNotArt) fresh from the twisted confines of the Kitchen Budapest catalog, which offers free, downloadable (but PDF, therefore slooooooow) instructions right here.

The essential rightness of this project cannot be overstated. Right for the times, with its flashy, topical LED illumination and low power consumption; right for the subject matter, too: as with so many children’s tales, upon re-examination, the sweet little poem about the gingerbread man resolves into a cruel tale of frantic futility, nameless depravity, and malevolence the equal of anything spawned from the pen of Aeschylus. Re-read The Gingerbread Man at own risk, TeenyManolo assumes no liability: that gingerdude was/is the kind of protagonist your mother warned you about. Why, just look at that demented grin!

(Looking for the TeenyManolo Sweepstakes? Go here)

What is it about Christmas movies that just seem so much more special than regular ones?

Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
A Christmas Story
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Television Christmas Classics- (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, etc…)
A Christmas Carol (1951)
Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Home Alone
The Polar Express
Elf
A Charlie Brown Christmas

If you will excuse me, I am now putting on my flak jacket and ducking behind this wall to prepare myself for the barrage of criticism for excluding a particular classic movie.  Let me go ahead and make it a bit easier for you, so that you don’t have to write so much.

1. Yes, I have seen it.
2. Yes, I like Jimmy Stewart a lot, too.
3. No, it didn’t make me cry.
4. Yes, I have a heart.
5. No, it does not mean this entry should be placed in the “That’s Just Wrong” category.

I just don’t see what the big deal is about that movie.  It does nothing for me.  I know you have now probably lost all respect for me, but I love you just the same.

And if anyone knows any great Chanukah movies, please let us know!

(Looking for the TeenyManolo Sweepstakes? Go here)

Sometimes you run across a kid that’s just too…different…for regular toys. Perhaps little Suzie or Freddy like to picket the letter X in the library. Perhaps they enjoy eating plastic toys before rushing off to middle school. Maybe they refuse to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas because of the unmistakable overtones of communism inherent in the cooperative actions taken by the children. These children are not the world’s easiest to buy for, particularly once you’ve worked your way through the full lineup of Nerf products.

BabyBush is here for you.

Feast your eyes upon a product line that includes the red ball counter, kinda like an abacus, but containing only one ball. For the miniature Republican, we have the Terror Alert Xylophone, sure to be sweet music to his/her shell-like ears.

(belated thanks to CelebratingTheAbsurd for the tipoff! I’m way too lazy to find this stuff myself!)

There is a huge trend in rock tees for kids right now.  And hey, I like rock as much as the next girl.  But some of the choices in rock legends leave me scratching my head as to why you would want your child to go around sporting practically life size versions of these “legends” on their chests.

Sid Vicious?  Girlfriend-beater, heroin and methadone addict, as well as just sort of a jerk?  Not to mention a questionable bass player at that. Sigh. Just because a shirt has the Union Jack and somebody British does not make it automatically cool, my friends.  

Really? Whitesnake?  Did Whitesnake even have any hits big enough that someone is willing to pay thirty five bucks for their tee? Who can even name me one of their songs without having to look it up first? They are one of the only bands who are better known for their videos than their actual songs.

We can start the kiddies off with a rousing version of “Big Balls,” move on to “Highway to Hell” and finish with the classic “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.” As you can see, AC/DC really cared about teaching kids alliteration.

Now, this is just not something you see every day (unless you read Shadow of a Bull in school and have flashbacks…or is that just me?).

This is Michelito Lagravere Peniche, Matador, and he is nine.

They are not allowed to fight professionally in Spain, but baby-faced bullfighters are the rage throughout Mexico. Even though some of the school-age children appearing at the country’s scores of bullrings are not much taller than the bulls they confront, these mini-matadors have begun getting top billing from promoters, who view them as a new way to bring people to the arena…

What ever happened to baseball? Don’t they have hockey in Mexico? What about volleyball? Charades? Should we send in a NATO nonviolent sports task force? Uh, on second thought, forget hockey.

With a wave of my magic wand, I give you some super fantastic gifts for those hard-to-buy for people on your list!

Baby’s 1st Christmas

Handprint Ornament

For the Grandma

Pocket “Brag Book”

For the Beauty Junkie

Bare Escentuals “Buxom Babes” Lip Polish Set

For the Diva

Juicy Couture Crown Charm Necklace

For the Dad

The Dangerous Book For Boys

For the Sweet Tooth

Dylan’s Nostalgic Candy Land Gift Basket

For the Mom

philosophy Amazing Grace Jumbo Gift Set

For the Kid Who Has Almost Everything

Kaloo Bear Sofa

For Mom’s Little Helper

Sassafras Little Cook Tool Kit

For the Teacher

Bliss Spa Mini 6-Pack

Hey, is it November 23? It is? Why today is the first official day of the Teeny Manolo Sweepstakes!

That’s right, you, dearest reader, will get a chance to win one of three Amazon gift certificates. There will be two $50 certificates and one grand prize of a $150 gift certificate. Just in time for you to spend for the holidays!

What do you have to do? Two things:

1. Link to Teeny Manolo in a post, which does not necessarily have to be about the contest.
2. Leave a comment here to let us know!

That’s it! How much simpler can we make it for you people?

Each blog that links to us will be assigned a specific number. Then, when all of the entries have been received, we will use a random number generator to give us three numbers, which will then be verified for valid links. The first two numbers verified will receive the $50 certificates, and the last verified number generated will win the grand prize.

So, link away!

The deadline to enter is December 7, 2007 at midnight Pacific Time.

Also, we would love to add you to our blogroll, just let us know you have added us and we will add you!

Let no man/woman/child say we are not all about the servicey pieces here at TeenyManolo. In keeping with our untrammelled serviceyness, we would like to present this instructional video on creating that tasty holiday classic, turducken. Boy oh boy, the mouth just waters at the mere thought of this glorious carnivorous feast!

This reminds me of a stuffed camel recipe my mother picked up in Riyadh; it started with a tiny songbird and ended, of course, with a camel. Some people pick up souvenir tees, my mother collected disgusting recipes. Ah, the fond memories I have of making pickled sheep’s eyes (memories of consuming them, somewhat less fond, actually)!

From the Official Teeny Manolo Turkey Brigade