Oh, nothing so radical as Swift’s modest proposal, however practical it may be. No, this is a much more heartwarming, uplifting, singing, dancing happy ending kind of thing entirely.

We at TeenyManolo have been alerted to not a few global crises involving children, everything from substance-addled celebutards playing Drop the Baby to lead-lined lunchbaskets, and our heartstrings have not failed to have been plucked. Why, some days, I can hardly post for my plucking heartstrings.

Now, at last, comes a crisis about which we can actually do something; we can, indeed, change the world.

For, just as there’s plenty of ozone in Los Angeles but not enough in Antarctica (are airborne pipelines so hard?) so it appears that there are millions of boys in China growing up without the prospect of brides.

The government is committed to solving gender imbalance within 10 to 15 years with education campaigns, punishments for sex-selective abortions and rewards -like retirement pensions- for parents who have girls.
Is this government abuse? Human rights’ violation? The only way to keep overpopulation under control?

But wait! What’s this?

News from The Guardian that in the Arctic realm, the mighty Gender Equalizer in the Sky has supplied a vast, compensatory overabundance of female babies.

The scientists, who say the findings could explain the recent excess of girl babies across much of the northern hemisphere, are widening their investigation across the most acutely affected communities in Russia, Greenland and Canada to try to discover the size of the imbalance in Inuit communities of the far north.

In the communities of Greenland and eastern Russia monitored so far, the ratio was found to be two girls to one boy. In one village in Greenland only girls have been born.

You’re seeing where I’m going with this…it’s an important global issue, according to Foreign Policy magazine. We need an immediate practical solution and reasonable ferry service to be established ASAP! Those commutes to school dances are going to be a killer!

Three twentysomethings enter stage left. They plop themselves down on a bench less than a foot away from my five year old son.

Twentysomething1: Hey man, what’s with that sh!t?

Twentysomething2: I dunno, but that is totally f*cked up, dude.

Twentysomething3: I cannot believe that guy would be such a f*ckin’ a$$hole….

They continued on in a similar vein, oblivious to the laser beams emanating from my eyes.   Apparently, I need to re-charge the batteries or something.  For a second, I seriously considered clapping both hands over my son’s ears.

Luckily for the three men, we are summoned to our table.  Disaster is averted.  Disaster for them, because I was about to do more than just a little bit of looking.

My ears have heard worse than the above conversation, if indeed it could be considered a conversation, what with all the “dudes” and unnecessary adjectives being tossed around.  But I don’t want anyone to think that I have a holier-than-thou attitude about cussing.  I might say a few of those words myself, but when I do, children are nowhere near hearing distance. 

Sigh.

This is a sure sign that I must be getting old.

Sometimes it’s really hard to argue with those old sayings.

From Operation Lifesaver, via Black is the New Black.