Here, for your delectation, is a brief video of a youthful ballet class, crunking out to Soulja Boy’s “Crank Dat Soulja Boy.” If I tried to bust these moves, I’d bust something for sure.

via JustJared

Have you heard of the term “Alpha Mom?” That is the demographic that advertisers lust after, the self-appointed band of mothers who supposedly set the trends while the rest of the moms look down at their Peg Perego stroller and wonder why they’re not considered cool anymore.  But really, it isn’t only about baby gear, it can be anything that is sold, from food to toys to cars.

But I wonder if that you think you are an Alpha Mom, does that really mean you aren’t?

I mean, most people who are trendy, popular, and whatnot do it effortlessly.  You can always tell when someone is trying too hard.   

So, I’m not sure I would place myself in the category of Alpha Mom, and for some reason, it resonates negatively with me.  It conjures up the mothers who schedule a billion activities in the name of getting little Johnny into Harvard, or who sit flashing math cards at their six-month old.  Women who furiously text on Blackberries while “watching” their kids at the playground and feed their child an all-organic diet.

And yet, the next, logical term Beta Mom doesn’t apply to me either.  A Beta Mom would someone who slavishly copies the Alpha Mom, buying the Trumpette socks just because the Alpha Mom has some, not necessarily because she likes them.  It seems like there is a serious lack of self-esteem for the Beta Moms.

So going down the Greek alphabet, because I’m simply following the theme here, I considered Omega Mom.  The last letter of that alphabet, it would connote the exact opposite of an Alpha Mom.  But that might be someone who considers hot dogs a food group, and thinks that reading her latest copy of OK! magazine aloud to her toddler qualifies as a bedtime story. That doesn’t describe me either.

Theta Mom, sounds a bit too Scientology-y, and Kappa Mom just sounds wrong in too many ways.

How about Iota Mom? That’s somewhere in the middle of the alphabet, not way down at the bottom. And interestingly, it also means “very small amount.” So if we’re talking about housework, folding the laundry, and caring about following the herd, that is so me.