Dear Mom,

I had a really fun Halloween.  I was just wondering, do you think it is possible that this year I could actually eat some of the candy I got?  It was a lot of hard work, going trick-or-treating and attending carnivals.   I just think that I deserve some of the chocolate, that’s all I’m trying to say.

Respectfully,
Your Loving Son

Dear Son,

Who do you think spent hours making your Halloween costume, young man?  Oh wait…  Let’s try that again.  Who do you think spent hours on the internet looking for the best place to buy your costume? Price comparison shopping ain’t for the weak of heart, my dearest.

It isn’t as easy as it looks, walking around the neighborhood with you while I’m talking and laughing with my friends.  Schlepping around to parties and such, it can be quite exhausting, really.  When you have kids of your own one day, you’ll understand.

And there is no child on earth that could eat all of the 2.3 metric tons of candy we have accumulated over the last week.   Besides, everyone knows that Tootsie Rolls are just as good as Hershey Bars.  Go ahead, just ask anybody, as long as it’s me or your dad.

You see, Mommy has what she will call “special days” when chocolate will make her happy.   Everyone knows that a happy Mommy makes a happy family.  I’m not taking all of your candy, I’m simply asking for all the Snickers bars. 

But, I’m feeling a little guilty.  So here, go ahead and have all the Smarties your little heart desires.  I hate those.

Smooches,
Mom

Congratulations to all the celebrities out there who are refusing to officially confirm their pregnancies.

Jennifer Lopez, everyone in the world has outed you but you. You stay strong, girlfriend.

Christina Aguilera, you’ll still be “no comment”ing at the baby’s college grad. That’s okay, nobody thinks you’re just fat.

Philip, wear the bump proudly.

In this day and age of oversharing, it’s wonderful to see some people keeping the concept of discretion alive.

(thanks to Spirit Fingers for the pic, which I heartlessly stole from Ayyyy)