the Hollywood Purity Ball
By raincoaster
Come in “prom wear” and receive a special Purity T-shirt which says “once you pop, you can’t stop.”
Um. Yeahno.
Wowzer.
What can you say about this? It’s right up there with PimpMyDaughter if you think about it. I mean, the very idea of “Hollywood,” jammed right up against the word “Purity,” not to mention the fact that the event producers proudly declare they are also behind “Hollywood Hellhouse,” and they got, of all the renowned emcees, the right reverend (?) Bill Maher, to host it, a man whose declared pre-show warmup includes such activities as…well, activities which would presumably preclude his attendance at an event dedicated to the Biblical ideal of sexual purity. (Update: note to self, don’t read gossip sites before coffee: the Hollywood Purity Ball is a spoof. These official Purity Balls, however, are real)
Purity Pledges
For Fathers:
I (Daughter’s Name)’s Father, choose before to God to war for my daughter’s purity. I acknowledge myself as the authority and protector of my daughter’s virginity, and pledge to be a man of integrity as I lead, guide, and pray over my daughter and her virginity – as the High Priest of my home.
For Virgins:
I (Name) pledge my purity to my father, my future/husband and my Creator. I recognize that virginity is my most precious gift to offer to my future husband. I will not engage in sexual activity of any kind before marriage but will keep my thought and my body pure as a very special present for the one I marry.
For Secondary Virgins (those who have engaged in promiscuous behavior) and wish to recommit themselves to lives of purity):
I (Name) re–pledge my purity to my father, my future/husband and my Creator. I now recognize that virginity is my most precious gift to offer my future husband. I deeply regret and will never again engage in sexual activity of any kind before marriage but will keep my thought and my body pure as a very special present for the one I marry.
Like, ew.
Am I alone in thinking that there’s just something the teensiest bit revolting about the whole thing? About fathers making sure that their daughters’ first dance and first date is with them? With the idea that virginity is the very best thing that you have to contribute to a marriage? With the really quite queasy-making proprietary interest of the parent in the presumedly future sex life of his child (I refer you to the logo at the top of the post)? With the public declaration of “Genitalia: Never Used! Like New!”
Cast your jaded eyes over the party pix from the gala event and between snickers at the fact that they’ve chosen perhaps the most socially libertarian celebrity they could possibly find to emcee, give a thought to the girls.
These girls are as young as eleven years old. They shouldn’t be dating anyone, let alone someone old enough to be their father! The rest of the world should, by rights, remain blissfully unaware of the state of their hymens, and in certain cases it has insisted on not being informed. Just as schools have been known to cancel “Pimp ‘n Ho” parties, so too they have begun to insist that so-called “Purity rings” do not constitute proper schoolwear.
And quite rightly, too. In this case the girl’s parents insist it’s part of her religion, but while certain sexual practices (including celibacy) may be part of a religious practice, there is no sect that makes the wearing of this ring a part of its doctrine.
Not coincidentally, the girl’s parents are on the volunteer executive of the company that sells these rings.
If gang members are prevented from wearing items which signify their sexual status (red wings, whatever) then surely it’s fair to expect everyone to abide by the same rules, whether or not you get Daddy’s permission.
September 20th, 2007 at 9:47 am
That logo is really twisted. (I hadn’t really looked until you pointed it out. Yikes.)
This whole business is warped.
September 20th, 2007 at 11:09 am
Oh. My. God. Those poor girls. Leave them alone, Daddy!
September 20th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Since when are we poor girls? I’m a 16 year old devoted Christian who is saving her first kiss for her husband. That’s right. My HUSBAND. When we’re married, pronounced man and wife “You may kiss the bride” – that’s when our first kiss will be. Now, I don’t believe that kissing before marriage is wrong, far from it, but for me, I know that that would be a very good thing.
No idea when that’s going to be, but you can be sure as heck I’ll be a virgin at my wedding. I firmly believe in the fact that in my way of beliefs, sexual contact before marriage is sinful. I’m going to be present to my husband as a pure heart and body – for him alone.
However, the logo still is a tad bit disturbing. And the connection of the word Hollywood in the title…euck. As much as I love my father, and I do love him dearly, I’ve been doing ballroom dance with other guys in a social context for 10 years now, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.
September 20th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Now where I am all for girls keeping themselves pure if for no other reason then to decrease unwanted pregnancies and abortions, I have to ask, “Are we putting too much pressure on these girls?” Although, I would rather my daughter wait until marriage or at least until mature enough to handle the situation, I certainly wouldn’t want to set her up for the feelings of devastation and guilt that will follow if she is unable to keep this promise. And God forbid, she is too scared of dissapointing me to confide in me when the time comes.
September 20th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Something about this just didn’t sound right–as in “hoax” or “spoof”–so I did a little Google search, and I believe this is actually a comedy performance or one person play, or something of that sort. Check out this link and scroll down just a bit and you’ll see what I mean: http://www.andreaabbate.com/
Update: I decided to do a little bit more clicking/doublechecking before I posted, and if you click on the “Press” button on the Hollywood Purity Ball site, it is–very obviously–as I thought.
September 20th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Miss Elizabeth, I respect your choice and determination and have absolutely no issue whatsoever with you. Your self-determination is very cool.
What I have an issue with is the gaudy public display of one’s sexual status, and the creepy “ownership” aspect that the fathers have in these events.
September 20th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Mmmm…there was a niftly little article in the LA Times about this very event last week which begins “there are plenty of genuine purity balls in California, but the one at the Acapulco is not one of them.”
I mean really, Bill Maher? A Mexican restaurant? I’m so disappointed in you guys!
September 20th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
D’oh. I like it much better now I know it’s a satire. Hey, this was the only one with the picture gallery. And what I said about purity balls in general still stands.
Actually, the others would have probably been better off with Bill Maher emceeing. At least they’d have been funnier.
But were the registrants told? I’m unsure. Read on…
This is what the defamer comments say:
September 20th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I should probably clarify that the Purity Vows came straight from the REAL Purity Balls site, which is far scarier than the Hollywood one. For one thing, the kids are up to five years younger. Ickypoopoo.
September 21st, 2007 at 8:36 am
In fact, they looked pretty much like the chainsmoking/white trash/Okie fundies you’d expect.
It’s always so nice to see tolerance and acceptance of another group from an enlightened Californian.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:26 am
I suppose what I find the most distasteful about the whole thing is the sentence “I recognize that virginity is my most precious gift to offer to my future husband. ”
Virginity? Really? That’s it? Not your intelligence, your kindness, your love? Nevermind the whole double standard about guys’ virginity… I just think that wayyyy too much emphasis is put on the virginity thing to begin with.
September 21st, 2007 at 3:43 pm
As a co writer and Producer of the Hollywood Father/daughter Purity Ball, I can assure you it was a satire, as is “The Hollywood Hellhouse”. This is exactly the sort of discussion we hoped to create. Great website.
September 21st, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Virginity? Really? That’s it? Not your intelligence, your kindness, your love? Nevermind the whole double standard about guys’ virginity… I just think that wayyyy too much emphasis is put on the virginity thing to begin with.
Aye, this is true. However, it may not be the most precious thing (that is your entire being that you are submitting to your husband . . . and he is offering his to you) but it is a precious gift indeed.
And the double standard, honestly, does not exist in many Christian circles. I’ve never, honestly, thought about it much before, and while I acknowledge its presence in the world at large, in my social circles, it really doesn’t exist, which is very cool.
September 21st, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Sarah, yes, the double standard is pretty wretched, and there’s no Biblical basis for it either.
Thanks, Jim, and welcome. It was a great spoof, and you suckered me in (that’ll teach me to read Defamer without coffee by my side!); if only we could get you up here to Canada! You’d be a big hit in Bountiful, I tell ya.
Miss Elisabeth, you sound like you’ve got a level head and a good take on the whole matter.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
[...] face although it must be said that of all the emotions, smugness comes perhaps most easily to me, even when it’s not appropriate, but then when has the fear of looking like a idjut ever stopped me, eh? I ask [...]
October 1st, 2007 at 11:20 pm
[...] mic, made of solid sponge! One can only hope they were contacted to do the party favours for the Hollywood Purity Ball (I particularly like their colour-your-own cash, probably when you think about it a blogger’s [...]
October 4th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
Once you Pop You can’t stop! Ha aint that the truth?
The daddy chastity belt logo though, now that’s freaking chilling!
October 5th, 2007 at 5:02 am
The real things are even creepier than the spoof, though.