Drop the Baby: Celebrity Moms Edition | Teeny Manolo






Drop the Baby: Celebrity Moms Edition

By raincoaster

Honestly, once you’ve done the vag flash, where do you go from there when you’re looking to drive the fans wild? How to ramp up the publicity machine? Well, these two celebrity moms know exactly how: you put on your best pair of nosebleed heels and play Drop the Baby!

First onto the field was highly experienced paparazzi-inciter Britney Spears.

Britney Spears drops the baby

Wearing bottoms (that’s a technical fashion blogger term) that (for once) were too long, with what appear to be either platform flip flops or peep-toe stripper heels, she left the Ritz Carleton in New York and promptly did a prat-curtsey when her shoes caught in the trailing jeans. Ah, leaving the Ritz; more than one celebrity mom has left, only to encounter tragedy. My suggestion is the same as Glen Frey‘s: if you’re a celebrity mom you can check out, but for god’s sake, never leave!

Britney gets extra points for being pregnant at the time and managing, despite the no doubt unbalancing effect of playing snap the whip with her toddler’s head, not to let go of her drink. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a professional in action. Yes, she was carrying both the apparently indestructable Sean Preston Does-Daddy-Still-Have-Custody-Of-The-Surname? and a rocks glass of mysterious clear liquid, which she was careful not to spill. The bodyguards steadied the baby.

Britney’s shoes of deathBritney: frazzled bottle blonde ponytail, smeared eyeliner, black bra, white eyelet babydoll top, low-slung, far-too-long jeans, hooker/trailer park shoes. Something on the rocks. Look: trailer trash, y’all!
Sean Preston Whatever: slightly greyed white overalls, striped Mork&Mindy socks, eye-ripping orange hat that flew off, no shirt, no shoes. Look: redneck, y’all.

Seriously, an awesome performance by a real pro.

Now let us turn to this past weekend’s performance by relative newcomer Katie Holmes/Kate Cruise/Stepford Wife #3.

Katie Holmes trips

Katie earns points for staging the baby drop on a rainy Parisian sidewalk, which makes a much prettier backdrop than a hotel parking lot. She loses points because she saved the baby and hit the pavement herself, bloodying her knee rather than say, tossing the baby to the help, steadying herself, and attempting to chug the pink blankie.

Katie Holmes trips: the shoesThen again, those are hideous shoes; girl deserved to go down.

Katie: perfect makeup, this year’s Posh haircut, olive trench, invisible dress (the Barbara Amiel look), high double-strap pumps that, it must be admitted, do have pretty heels even if they’re the colour of oxbarf. They don’t even look good when Peter Fox does them. Yes, they make your feet look shorter. They make the rest of you look shorter, too, when you’re kneeling on the sidewalk because you fell over. Look: 2007 meets 1927

Suri ShoesSuri: adorable, classic dress, immaculate and cosy white cardigan, cute variation of the baby pageboy, hideous Baby Birkenstocks with massive straps that could hitch a Clydesdale to a beer wagon. Does Katie have restraint issues, par chance? Look: BCBGeekChic.

Verdict: round goes to Spears, y’all. Cheers!
May a humble blogger suggest that, should celebrity or other moms wish to avoid being featured in future Drop the Baby posts, when they are carrying something as precious as these two babies, they A) put the damn drink down and B) choose footwear more like what these relatively sensible toddlers are wearing, and less like a truck stop honey or an extra in Bugsy Malone?









14 Responses to “Drop the Baby: Celebrity Moms Edition”




  1. Jennifer in GA Says:

    Why does it look like Suri Cruise is always wearing sandals with massive straps (nods to raincoaster) that are at least one size to small for her feet?




  2. Meg Q Says:

    Gotta disagree with you on the Peter Fox shoes. I’ve had my eye on those exact shoes for a couple of years. If Katie’d been wearing the Peter Fox shoes, she probably wouldn’t have fallen over. I think these ice cream cone-shaped heels will prove very dangerous to the fashionista community this season . . . but will make great paparazzi pics for us plebs to snicker at.

    P.S. Love the blog!




  3. raincoaster Says:

    Jennifer in GA: You’d certainly think that with her parents pulling something like $1.5 and $7 million a picture, Suri would not need to conserve on her orthopedic sandals, but could purchase something that fits and is more attractive and pretty-dress-worthy than these clodhoppers. But maybe it was a choice between Baby’s shoes and the Posh haircut.

    Meg Q, glad you like the blog. Normally I’m all about the Pedro Fox, but not in this case. Double straps on court shoes/pumps just look like Granny is tryin’ to be stylin’ at the Saturday Social.




  4. Frontier Former Editor Says:

    Three grafs into reading this and already I’m laughing like Paul Lynde.




  5. Defrost Indoors Says:

    I have nothing useful or witty to say (it’s too early in the morning) but just wanted to say hello and congratulate y’all on the new blog! *bookmark*




  6. Jennifer in GA Says:

    I’ll go one step further and say that Suri’s clothes (although very adorable) always look ill-fitting as well. Remember that picture of her in a green jumper dress back around St. Patrick’s Day? It was so short her diaper was hanging out! Perhaps Suri needs to borrow Mommy’s stylist for a few months.




  7. raincoaster Says:

    Hmm, perhaps we need to fug the toddler, if only to shame her parents into putting as much effort into her clothes as to their own. I haven’t seen that pic but will be keeping my eyes open in the future.

    FFE, congratulations on the first and probably ONLY Paul Lynde reference on TeenyManolo! Defrost, welcome and thanks!




  8. daleth Says:

    Why are these people always carrying babies in their arms, anyway? Is there some kind of embargo on baby strollers in Celebuland these days?












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